I Want More---Anyone Else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
I Want More---Anyone Else?
7
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 9:29pm

I want more from AP. I want more than I can have or more than he can give. And honestly I can't be sure he wants the same---not to the same extent anyway. He has said at times he wished I'd been out with him on particular occasions (instead of his W) or that he would like to be seen in public together. But that doesn't necessarily mean he wants a relationship which I do. Sometimes he's very quiet about this b/c I know he's very scared of moving forward w/me. There are times when he has talked about us being together in the future but I just don't know how that would ever be possible.

I mean let's just say we're not with our spouses. Then what? Years ago the 4 of us were very close friends. I know they (spouses) would go nuts & I'm certain she'd think something was going on behind her back (she's extremely controlling of him & EVERYTHING he does). Which right now there really isn't anything going on. We email & that's not even that often anymore---it used to be many times a day but we've both been so busy that it's slowed a lot. I don't know that I can even say I'm in an A exactly---it's definitely emotional but we don't see each other :-( We were physical (a lot) a number of years back & parted ways & started families.

I worry about all of the kids (2 for each of us) & the repercussions of divorce & having new 'parents'. I can't even say I'd want marriage but yes a serious relationship where we don't have to hide. I feel so very confused about all of this. Some days feeling fine with just knowing he's out there & other days wanting it all!

Who else feels like this? I'm sure I'm not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2008
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 10:43pm
You are not alone at all. I want so much more with AP. He is not ready to give me more and We have pushed his "rules" in the past couple of months. Seeing each other more, being more physical ...though we have not had sex yet. Sometimes he says things about the future but then he slips back and tries not to say much. I guess he doesn't want to lead me on. I worry about the kids as well ..He has one and a step daughter that he has raised. I have 3. I am at a point where I am ready to be happy . So its going to be with or without him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 8:22pm
well, my AP and I had some drinks and then had a conversation. So, I started talking about how he said that our A was making our marriages better. I love him alot as a friend and i told him if he wants to work on his marriage he should not be fooling around with me ( i meant it sencerely, and would not feel bad if he chose to do so).Our conversation did not go well, he became worried that i would want more than we can do. I explained to him that i have too much pride to wish for someone who is not available ( read : not available but not willing not to leave his W for me).
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 6:47pm

I'm honestly surprising myself with how easy it is to keep things relatively detached with AP. I think it's because our A is still mostly sexual. I get from him what I don't get from my H (an irresistable attraction and a mind blowing physical connection), but I don't need from him what I do get from my H, which is someone I can be comfortable with, relax with, and see to my day to day life with. My H is a good provider and a good father, and I don't have a real desire to leave him. I had thought that our sexual problems were mine because I was never in the mood. Low libido? That's what I thought. I was WRONG. There ain't nothing low about my libido when I'm around AP. He just does subtle things that get me in the mood, and he's always flirting and always teasing. I always feel like a sexual being when I'm around him.


So anyway . . . right now I don't want more than I'm getting from AP. I mean, I wish we could be alone together more (it generally happens once a week) but that's still a physical want.

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 1:39pm
Today he told me he could handle me for the rest of his life & wishes we could be together. I knew he wanted more too but holy crow---I didn't expect that. I'm on cloud 9 but also afraid it will scare him away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 4:01pm
You are so not alone. I've been trying to find a way out of my thing for two years. The thing that bugs me the most is I feel like I"m always last on his list. In front of people (we used to work with each other) but still run with co-workers at events. So, in front of everyone we both know he is afraid to talk to me out of fear people will pick up on our body language. He has very little time for me, yet claims to have real feelings and need me in his life. I'm not out to take him away from his life. I don't want him to leave what he has. I just wanted a slice out of life..to experience something that made me feel alive. And boy has he made me feel alive..the key is weighing the good with the bad now. It's an endless ride of raw emotion that I know I feed out of boredom. I need to feed my boredom beast something else. I just haven't found it..yet. Hopefully, I will soon!! This is wearing me out. But it yields so much passion..I can't turn it away. I've tried NC many times..only to get sucked right back in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 5:46pm

Now i do...Just in the last

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 8:38am

Your feelings and what you want out of your A are exactly what I'm experiencing. I was in an A (mostly EA also) for 7 months. It ended a couple of months ago but he emailed me and wanted to continue with the emails. I tried but just couldn't do it because it was too painful for me.

I said I would never go back there again! I found myself AGAIN with a MM. This one talked about us in the future which was something the other never discussed. I broke it off with this one last week because I don't want seconds. He would be paying child support and alimony if he ever did leave so chances are he never will. There were and still are things that I love about each one of these men and they are special in their own way. I want a man who can give me what I need and want from a relationship. My H doesn't provide this which is the reason I've search elsewhere so why should I accept the same from someone else? You may question me providing seconds for a new man in my life but with my situation that doesn't happen. H and I live apart.