I want out, but can't get out...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2013
I want out, but can't get out...
8
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 11:51am
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2013
Mon, 11-11-2013 - 7:04am

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Registered: 06-20-2013
Mon, 11-11-2013 - 7:03am

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Registered: 06-20-2013
Mon, 11-11-2013 - 7:02am

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Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Tue, 11-05-2013 - 9:36pm

Let me ask you this...and there is no judgement here at all.  You feel very strongly about the commitment you made to this man who is not your husband.  And committing to help another person with their project is one thing, but it's not just that. What about the commitment to your vows, your husband, your family?

I see this all the time.  Affair partners not wanting to hurt their affair partners' feelings while they run roughshod over the loved ones to whom they are already committed.

I'd wrap up this project, if you feel that strongly about leaving him in the lurch, putting aside any  kind of relationship...and then 'that's a wrap'...focus on your marriage and yourself in a honest way and with integrity.

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 9:48pm

Hi

If you think you can't, well you can't and won't.  Believe me, you can...once you set your mind to doing so.  

You've lead him to believe it is okay for you to be involved in his project even if you are getting nothing in return.  So, he's okay with giving nothing back.  And, of course, he's going to become angry...because he's confused...you've changed the rules because of your hidden agenda.

You have nothing to lose in this relationship except for some crumbs I guess he use to throw your way.  You say you like the attention...what attention? He's not even interested when you put sex on the table.  And to jeopardize your marriage for this miserable relationship is just crazy making.

I know you want him to feel a certain way, but he doesn't.  Time to accept the reality of this situation.  

I'd break it off and start figuring out why you would accept so little, yet jeopardize so much, for this man who shows the bare minimum of interest.

And...yes you can ;)

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 9:31am

It might sound like the world's easiest thing to grasp when it's not your own situation or when it's no longer your situation, but it is almost impossible to actually GET it when you're in the midst of it. That someone who you are madly wildly incredibly in love and lust with  just DOES NOT FEEL  THE SAME BACK FOR YOU. You refuse to believe it. Your mind and  your heart do not get HOW. How can it be that  I adore him so much that even someone saying his name makes my insides lurch and ache, and he.. does not feel anything for me. The pure strength, hugeness, enormity of your feelings for this person SIMPLY HAVE TO MEAN he feels the same because it's all of you, it's what you live and breathe and think and dream. You think: how??? how can he not???? When I am so insane about him.?

Sadly.. it's as simple as that. Unreciprocated love is incredibly painful. Makes your life a nightmare. Ten years from now, you will think back to today and won't believe that you refused to accept what was such a plain and simple truth, staring you in the face: you love that man to death... but he does not love you back.

I feel for you....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 4:22pm

Since you say that you know he is not going to love you, then you end the relationship by telling him that it's over.  Yes, easier said than done.  But you have to examine why you got into this situation and what you are getting out of it.  You don't seem to be getting much out of spending time w/ a guy where the affection is only going one way--it's actually making your life more painful.  It doesn't seem like that's worth risking your marriage for, so why are you really doing this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2013
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 12:55pm

Sorry to hear all this, but if you don't trust him and feel that he does not love you as you love him, are you sure you want to continue in this relationship?

Is he just not into you?  You should not have to beg your partner for love in return, if you feel that he is using you, you should leave him.  Before you waste any more of your life with him.  Why does he think he can treat you like this?  have you talked to him and told him how you feel?