I want to scream I LOVE YOU!
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I want to scream I LOVE YOU!
| Thu, 12-31-2009 - 7:53pm |
I am falling more and more in love with my S AP. For 2.5 years it was seeing him once every 2-3 months and now it's every week and he is more interested in my life and we hang out most times without even having sex.. But the sex is AWESOME! I told him some time back I love him. He said he wouldn't go down that road. Well, I find myself more and more wanting to just say to him " I Love you". It almost comes out sometimes but I am so scared it will all end. I have been dealing with not talking about feelings but I want to say it sometimes. I just guess I wanted to vent a little. What do you do? I am going thru hell. It's so hard I cry sometimes. I want him to hold me and tell me he loves me and things like that. I am into it so deep I don't want to end it but afraid it will end. Im so sad..

I don't have any advice, just commiseration. I am not there yet with my AP since it's only been a couple of months for us. But there are definitely a lot of feelings involved in our A and it's a little bit awkward for both of us. We'll have an argument over something that we shouldn't be arguing about, and the bottom line will be that one of us didn't know how to say something that was on our minds. Like, I don't want to indicate too much that I have other than lust for him because I don't want to scare him away. I know that he isn't ready to leave his girlfriend and I signed up for this A knowing that I might never be able to have that kind of R with him. But the feelings are still there and I can't always keep them in. He goes the other way. He is intensely jealous of me dating other men and he can't keep that to himself even though he tries.
Basically, we're just two people who tried to come together for some no strings attached sex, and I knew that he had a girlfriend that he wasn't going to leave, and he knew that I was having a fantastic time playing the field since I'm so fresh out of my oppressive M. But there are a lot of strings now. I was going to be so cool about taking whatever he could give, but I want MORE. He was going to be so cool about knowing that I was single and dating but he doesn't want to share me. We spend as much time holding hands, kissing and talking about things about ourselves that we think no one else cares about as we do having that no strings attached sex.
Just say it to him !
(( hugs ))