I was going to end it, but now I'm here

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
I was going to end it, but now I'm here
2
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 9:06am

I tried to end my A with no success. Honestly I wasn't ready. I was trying to end it for my kids' sake, but that is not enough.


My hx (I've only posted here 1x)...I am M to H for almost 10 yrs, together for almost 17. We were only 15/16 when we met. 2 yrs into our marriage, he invited a friend (that we've known for 12+ yrs) into our bedroom. I fell in love and he had feelings for me but I was basically a FWB to him.


A yr later, I became pg (with H) and that ended everything. H and him had a falling out that lasted 3 yrs (not A related). In '07, they reconnected and so it wasn't long before the 3 of us were back in the bedroom. We started pretty much right away meeting on the side. He had a g/f that he met recently. We were back to the FWB stuff even though he knew I was still in love with him.


Jan of '09 he told me that he was in love with me. I believed him (still do) bc he has probably told that to a handful of girls even though he's had lots of g/fs. Btw, he is still with the girl that he met in '07.


I tried to end it last week during our "weekend" away. He was hesitant. I wasn't sure either, bc I was ending it for my kids' sake (I have 2) and not bc I wanted to.


This weekend we had a long conversation about being together, how to do it, what it would do to the kids, my H, what people would think. I also dragged it out of him that he told his g/f that he loved her in April. I was shocked and sick to my stomach. He also told me that last summer, he planned on possibly proposing to her on a trip to Paris that they were planning to take (which is not happening).


He tells me that he doesn't love her like he loves me. He never makes love to her. He says that he has given me his heart and soul and he has never felt this way towards anyone before. He says that it hurts him that it took him this long to grow up and mature to realize that the person that he wants to spend his life with is unavailable.


I want to make myself available to him but I can't. I have 1 IRL friend that knows everything. She says that if I want to leave, I should leave, but not for him. I love my H but I have fallen out of love with him. This M is so comfortable and secure. It is scary thinking about leaving a secure comfortable life for love. I will never forget when we had our pre-M counseling the top reason I was Ming

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 12:36pm

You are not alone in wanting to end the A. I been in my A for several month now,

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 10:53am

If your M is miserable,leave it.Life is too short for regrets,make the best of it.But since your M is not so bad,as you say,then its better to figure out what is it you want.

Your situation is not a very common one so its hard to give advice.But i would advice that dont go by what your AP 'says' ,blindly,KWIM?

((( hugs )))