I was so wrong
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I was so wrong
| Fri, 04-30-2004 - 2:10pm |
I desperately need some help, and I know what I did was wrong and I think I'm paying for it now. I am currently in a 8 year relationship, we have 4 children, 2 from a first marriage, we are not married, nor does he want to get married. We hardly have a physical relationship, he does not tell me that he loves me nor does he give me any affection. He stays at home with the children while I work, he is a really great father to them. Seven months ago, I started a new job and I think the first day that I started I saw this guy and if you do fall in love at first sight, I swear I did. Everyday before work, I would get butterflies in my stomach and hope that I would see him. He had a girlfriend at work, so I knew that he wouldn't be available, but I really wanted to talk to him. I left him a note in his employee folder to email me, I didn't leave my name or anything that would make him know that it was me. He emailed me and I made an excuse that I wasn't working there anymore and that someone had given me his email to see if he would repair my computer. We work in a very large computer company, so him not really knowing who this person was is very possible. He didn't question it. We have been talking everyday for a couple of weeks, he has started to open up to me more and more and confessing to me that he and his girlfriend have been done for a little while. I have fallen badly for him, I don't know if I love him but he is in my thoughts all day long, and when I see him at work, I am happy to see him but really sad because I know that I cannot tell him that it is me. We talked through instant messenging for hours and he told me yesterday that he has feelings for me and wants to see me immediately. I do not know what to do, I wouldn't even think twice about having an affair with him, no doubts at all but how could he want to after I lied to him about who I was. I do not know how I can give him up. We actually have discussions about whatever, my boyfriend does not talk to me about anything except for the children. It is so wonderful to be able to talk to this man about art, culture, really great discussions. I want this man so much but I know that I cannot, due to this terrible game that I decided to play. I cannot tell him, I couldn't be able to walk into work and face him, I couldn't imagine how I could work there if I knew other people knew what I did.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I do not have anyone I can talk to about this. Please help?!! Thank you.

Does this man react warmly to you normally? Do you have a decent working relationship and are you generally pretty nice to each other?
If so, I think that maybe you will be okay. As men, I think we would generally be flattered that a woman would go to so much trouble to talk to us. Personally, if someone in my office did this, got close to me and then revealed there was this secret, I'd probably not mind it so long as I had a decent relationship with them. I'd only be upset if it was someone I knew and didn't like that had deceived me in order to get information to hold against me.
Everyone varies, and maybe he's the type to take offense regardless. But I really think that if you have decent coworker relationship with him already, you might be able to play off your deception as shyness, slight insecurity, and flattery. Men are creatures of ego. It is the loop to which our leash attaches and little else will make so firm a handle to grab hold of...
Good luck. Let us know what you do and what happens.
Rain