I will never learn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2010
I will never learn
3
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 1:14pm

So I saw my AP yesterday and he's had a real rough few weeks ... Dad had heart attack and a stroke has been in and out of hospital (is out now and seems to be ok for the time being) meanwhile had a guest from out of town and is trying to plan children's bday party ... he has actually been out of work for 2 weeks now with everything going on. So yesterday he has a few minutes while running errands and stops by where I am ... I am determined before he gets there to not let anything happen because I know how it effects him after and I don't want to add any stress to his life at this point ... yeah ... that didn't work ... I did not initiate anything, but I sure as heck didn't stop it either ... We did talk about it a little after and he told me he knew before coming over that something was going to happen barring me saying absolutely not. I had told him that was my intention but it obviously didn't work ... his answer to that was that he appreciates me thinking about him and being concerned but I am not 'obligated' to say no ... that this is his choice. He texted me a few minutes after he left just saying "I'm ok :)" He said he knows this is wrong and it does add stress to his life but the fact that it's "me" makes it a little easier to deal with because of our history ... last time something happened and he freaked out I got really mad and told him i couldn't handle all of that anymore ... so he told me he would no longer put that on me, so for all I know he could be freaking out right now but is just holding to what he said and not letting it effect me. I do know that he's up to his eyeballs in party planning right now ... he's a very involved and amazing father and his kids party is tomorrow. (he's actually baking the cakes)

We texted briefly this morning and he was fine just very busy so I don't actually think I will talk to him again til Sunday/Monday ... I just don't know if I'll ever learn ... We definitely love eachother, but I know we would never choose eachother so what are we doing?????

He occupies a constant part of my thoughts ... he's always there ... I sometimes wish he wasn't. Like right now, I should be working yet I'm thinking about him so I'm posting here because theres nothing else I can do about it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 2:14pm

I am sorry but I dont understand as to what exactly happened here ?? lol ! What was it that you didnt initiate? Care to share ;)

As to what you are doing ,hmmm, are you married as well?

I guess if you guys are really in love its the worst place to be! You cant be with the one you want to and be with the one you dont want to.How bad it has to hurt? It has to be sheer torture! You cant really live a normal life plastering a smile on the face that has a love sick heart inside!How do you do it?

If I was having an A with a guy who was an incredible father,I would want him at any cost and maybe want another child by him....

How do you feel?Do you feel happy to have him or sad to not have him?( yeah,you have him and you dont !!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 2:29pm

What's not to understand? I think it's pretty clear.


Whenever she and her AP get physical he starts to feel guilty and then either pulls back emotionally or takes his anger about it out on her. That's not fair to her and she knows that so she went into this last meeting with the mindset that nothing physical was going to happen between them. However things happened and now she's in the place of waiting for him to come around emotionally again either because he's too consumed with guilt over their physical pursuit or because he's extremely busy with the kid's bday party.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 2:45pm
Wow ! Thanks for decoding ! I am new here and still getting to get a grip of affair land !!