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|Thu, 03-27-2003 - 4:29pm|
He inspired something in me to learn all I could get my hands on about relationships and how they work, how to not give up too much (physically or emotionally, aloud anyhow) too early, and generally everything I used to do wrong to chase a man away. He made me feel that good that I wanted to do all I could in everyway of my life to feel I "deserved him".
Today, I can happily say that I am content w/my life. Being that I learned so much about relationships and how to cultivate them, I can really enjoy every day w/my kids, my H (believe it or not), and all my friends. I found that what I couldn't give to him, I found solace in giving to everyone else around me. And now b/c I was able to give to them when they needed some support, I have a barrage of people to lean on and pump up my ego when I need it. And no longer am I saying "I'll be happy when...." I am happy right now.
I have to explain about H, he is my closest friend today b/c I was honest w/him. I truly felt he deserved to know that I didn't feel that way a wife should feel about her H anymore (if I ever did). It has been a hard road to get where we are today. But we are honest about the marriage and know that it isn't going to be turning into love (when love really was never there to begin with), but we have a great relationship now that honestly we wouldn't have had if I hadn't met MM and he admits that to me.
So, we keep the marriage right now b/c we know that we want to be together w/the kids. But he knows if that darn MM realizes what he missed in me (which is kinda happening over the past 6 weeks, let you all know how that is going as it happens) that he would let go. Same w/H, if that someone comes along that makes him happy, he deserves it.
So that's where it all is right now. Talk to you all soon. Take care