If anyone remembers me...if not,

Avatar for fantasycomingtrue
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Registered: 03-27-2003
If anyone remembers me...if not,
5
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 4:29pm
I have had an emotional affair w/MM off and on since 10/01.

He inspired something in me to learn all I could get my hands on about relationships and how they work, how to not give up too much (physically or emotionally, aloud anyhow) too early, and generally everything I used to do wrong to chase a man away. He made me feel that good that I wanted to do all I could in everyway of my life to feel I "deserved him".

Today, I can happily say that I am content w/my life. Being that I learned so much about relationships and how to cultivate them, I can really enjoy every day w/my kids, my H (believe it or not), and all my friends. I found that what I couldn't give to him, I found solace in giving to everyone else around me. And now b/c I was able to give to them when they needed some support, I have a barrage of people to lean on and pump up my ego when I need it. And no longer am I saying "I'll be happy when...." I am happy right now.

I have to explain about H, he is my closest friend today b/c I was honest w/him. I truly felt he deserved to know that I didn't feel that way a wife should feel about her H anymore (if I ever did). It has been a hard road to get where we are today. But we are honest about the marriage and know that it isn't going to be turning into love (when love really was never there to begin with), but we have a great relationship now that honestly we wouldn't have had if I hadn't met MM and he admits that to me.

So, we keep the marriage right now b/c we know that we want to be together w/the kids. But he knows if that darn MM realizes what he missed in me (which is kinda happening over the past 6 weeks, let you all know how that is going as it happens) that he would let go. Same w/H, if that someone comes along that makes him happy, he deserves it.

So that's where it all is right now. Talk to you all soon. Take care

Fantasy

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 5:55pm
I remember you, fantasy. What's up?? You sound kind of delirious or something. I read and re-read your post, it did not make one bit of sense, except that you seem to be at peace than before. Anyway, remember we all are here for you... so vent away... LOL
Avatar for fantasycomingtrue
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:02pm
It sounds "delirous" to someone who hasn't really experienced what I have over the last, almost 2 years.

But, I wish you luck in whatever it is you are after.

Avatar for jolane48
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:12pm
Fantasy-I understand what you are saying-I wanted the same thing with my H and have tried every way I know how to tell him how I feel and what I need-he will say he understands-but no effort to change-thus I have MM-not what I really wanted-but I have to survive and I was not surviving before. H told me this last weekend that "maybe I needed to find lover"-I asked him if that was his way of giving my "permission"-he just looked at me-go figure! I am glad for you and you do sound happy and at peace. I hope things continue to go well for you. Keep us informed-Hugs Jo
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:19pm
I am in the boat as you are in, fantasy. It has been almost three long years for me. I too hope you get what you are searching. I did not mean to hurt you. Sorry.
Avatar for fantasycomingtrue
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:27pm
I actually had my first date about 2 weeks ago (since admitting no marital love), H knowing about 2 days later.

He knew I needed to "try" to get over MM at least. So I did, at a friend's suggestion.

MM knew too, b/c he was calling me at the time. I know that I can be "getting to know" someone else and probably have good sex, but nothing emotional would be there.

So, it is in you. I am a person who has who wanted affection at any cost, and be the psycho and be the shy, ambivalent woman. I am no longer that person. I am confindent that he is out there wanting the same things I am. But it took about 20 months to get here, give and take and sacrificing alot of what we normally wouldn't.

Now, I am the person that needs respsect, that needs love, that needs to be living a life w/the person she loves and is willing to give and receive.