if the other person wanted to end the A

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
if the other person wanted to end the A
6
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 2:20am
would you just stand back and let them walk away? would you move on with your life, would you leave the door open to see if there was a chance to be together again?

My MM and i have discussed this a little, he says if I wanted to end it he would just let me go. I thought he would put up a little bit of a fight for our relationship. Ending an A can not be as easy as just walking away.. can it?

We are not at a point where we are going to end this.. it was just something I was wondering about.

SB

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 2:36am
Hey seeburg!

Its easier said than done... don't believe a word he said!

Maybe he was just trying to hide his true feelings, I guess it's the opposite! He just dont wanna let you know his true feelings. REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY!!!

You both seem to be happy and contented with each other, and loosing you would surely mess up his life!

BE HAPPY!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 6:48am
I somewhat agree with Hazel. I think it is easier said than done to many (both men and women but probably more so true for women based on some stats).

The MM may indeed be be doing the reverse psychology thing as Hazel said. Also consider that it may indeed be easy for some to walk away from the A. After all, they have a spouse. Many enter an A for the bonus. If the bonus is lost, some feel that all in all, that is not too bad...inconvenient, yes, but not too bad. Why do you think many (men and women) fight harder to save their M opposed to saving their A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 9:04am
I guess my situation is unique (weird may be a better word). I am a MW, my other guy is single. I would like the affair to continue just for the excitement and fun. He has ended it because he says he was getting too attached. It does not seem to be a problem for him at all, since he has made no initiating of contact. I don't know what is going on in his head, but his actions suggest he is fine with it ending. Otherwise wouldn't he cave and contact me since I haven't contacted him in 15 days. I have a good marriage to fall back on as you said, but I am the one that is a mess. I'm starting to think it's not over losing him as much as it's being upset that I was treated so badly by him in the end. I just wanted to get my point across that having a marriage to fall back on doesn't seem to make it easier. I have to hide these "break up" emotions from my H, that is NOT easy. Just my thoughts, C
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 10:08am
hi seeburg

If MM wanted to end our A to work on his marriage, I would back off 100% and leave him be. It would be difficult, but because I do care for him and respect him, I would.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to try and twist and/or second guess his response with “reverse psychology.” Men usually say what they mean, and if he said he’d respect your wishes, be happy and grateful for that. If he wouldn’t put up a fight, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you -- it means he understands and accepts the relationship for what it is.

JMHO

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 11:49am
What scares me most about this A is I can't see an end. Both MM and I have YEARS until retirement and neither of us really plans to go anywhere, workwise, unless we're forced to for some reason. We both love our jobs. So even if one of us tried to end it, we'd pass each other in the hall and eventually we'd start talking again... I think I see us eventually being together but what I don't see in all this is what will become of my H. It would devastate him. It's his biggest fear, someone coming in and sweeping me away, and I think that he hates MM because he knows MM might be the one to do that. (He knows we're close friends and that I enjoy being around MM...) I can answer for MM, though, on this. I tried to end it last September and for a couple of days MM respected my wish but then I passed him and he asked me to come talk to him and he started coming on really strong and pulled me right back under again. (All he has to do is look at me intensely and say, "You're so pretty" and I turn to mush. I can't explain it. It's like he's a hypnotist.) If I really wanted to end it and held firm to that conviction, he'd accept it but I don't see us ever not talking. If he decided to end it, I'd have no choice but to accept it, but you know what I realized this morning? This is something that is going to be with me the rest of my life, no matter what. If I walked out of his life tomorrow, I'd always remember MM and he'd always remember me. We'd always wonder what could have been... I think it's that way for all of us. We've fallen in love and we're going to be forever changed because of it, even if it only lasts a month.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:26pm
lilah,

you are so right about this A staying with us forever. I do not like to think of an end to our R but if/when that happens he will remain in my heart forever. He really has touched my life in a way that I don't think he realizes.

I also agree in a way with all of the other posts about this, If he wanted to end this tomorrow I would give him the space he needed for whatever the reason was because I do love him that much, but it would not be easy for me to do but I would do it. If that makes sense?

We had a long discussion tonight and I now know that he would do the same for me but that it would also be very hard on him.

Alot of deep thoughts concerning something that has not happened yet nor do i see it happening in the near future. So I dont really know why I am even worrying about it now.

thanks for replying

SB

 Seeburg