If there were no sex, would you stay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
If there were no sex, would you stay?
13
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 8:18am
This morning I woke thinking about my MM - as usual. I have already gushed about him on this board, so I will refrain from doing it again! I can honestly say, that I like him more than just about anyone I know. He is a friend to me, very open, honest, we have so many similar interests and beliefs it is down right spooky. "If" for some reason, things never progressed to the physical level, I would be disappointed no doubt (he is very sexy in my eyes), but I could live with that. It's the person I have come to know that I adore and enjoy being around. When I'm around him, I feel so totally relaxed and free, something I'm not use to since I have lived behind "the wall" due to marial problems. To lose the friend I have some to know would be very difficult.

Do you have that type of closeness with you MM/OM/MW/OW? Do you honetly think the relationship would continue if the sex stopped?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:08am
Since we have never had sex i would have to say yes! We have been "together" for a year and a half so obviously there is somethign there beyond the attraction. Now if we had sex, could I then live without it? Interesting question. I'd think yes.

Sweet..you have some really good posts!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:15am
Well, I'm in the same boat in terms of there being no sex. I don't say 'yet' because that is one thing I don't think I'm going to be able to wrap my brain around. As long as he's married, it would just be so uncomfortable for me, and I've always been raised to believe that you shouldn't have sex until you're married--and I KNOW that's never going to happen; I don't want him to leave his wife, and I know he wouldn't anyway--so I'm waiting.

Now, he's spoken about having sex a few times, and my answer was always the same, and he's still hanging around, so... lol. It was weird, though, once we were together and we were kissing and I guess I must have been a little tense, because he all of a sudden pulled back a little and whispered in my ear, "Relax, I don't want to have sex with you. I just want to be with you and make you feel good..." and I must have gotten a really skeptical look on my face, 'cause he pulled back and he was like, "What, you think that's the only reason I'm here?"

Well--in a word--yeah, I did, lol. So it made me feel really good in a way when he was like, "No, no," and started kissing me again.

But after a while, he did start asking about it. I don't need it, and I've told him my beliefs. So far that's been working. I guess I'll stay with it as long as it works.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 2:35pm
Hello Sweet, i just read you post on no sex....still there? well i have to tell you my R with my mm had sex in it. and recently it has not had any at all. and i can honestly tell you sex or no sex i still love him with every thing i have. Actually i think we have been talking even more since we took that out of the R. i will say this .... i wish i didn't have it at all. i think about him and his W. i think about my poor H. but i realize for us it was a natural next step. i believe that for the two of us it is just one more way to show our love for each other.

hope that helps with your question.

saag

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 6:24pm
I most certainly would stay. And I guess it would depend on your definition of sex as to what I would do. He and I have actually talked about this.

If you are talking about no intercourse, then I'd have to say, most definitively I would stay and look no further. SO and I have only 'done the deed' a few times as it is, so that's not a problem. If you're talking about none of the other fun stuff, then I'd honestly say that I would keep SO and, with his blessing, find a sex buddy. He is a good bit older than me and a lot more liberal where these things are concerned, and would totally and completely understand if, for some reason, he were no longer able to keep me satisfied, I found some other outlet, so long as I continued to see him and continued to give him the priority in my life that he currently enjoys.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:26pm
Of course I have only been with my MM for a little over a month. We are extremely close. I think our A is more emotional than sexual. We have yet to have sex. But we are still really close. We talk about everything and anything that comes to mind. There are many nigths that we text message until 2 or 3 am. Then on weekends we IM eachother for hours before I have to be at work. He is a very special person. And if we never have sex, I don't think it will change a thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:35pm
Thanks for your responses. Saag, we haven't done it yet, for me it's just a matter of time before I want to maul him!

I have taken things slowly, leary of getting involved with someone again, and feel he is genuine. I guess I'm at the point where I'm comfortable going deeper into this relationship. Because of the controling W, I'm going to wait for him to bring it up. He has said a few things indicating he is ready, and has said "well will take this at your pace." My only concern is he will somehow be overcome by guilt, and things will end. I would hate to lose this wonderful man I have met because of the guilts.

Also, I don't want this to turn into an A that is all about sex, and question if one or both of us will focus more on meeting for sex, compared to our little lunches and talks.

I think I'm thinking this entire thing to death!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 11:21pm
My answer is YES

We have had sex - often!

I miss my friend so much!!!

Of course, if we were a "true" couple, my answer would be different.

Take care

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 7:28am
We had no sex during first two years of our A. It was mostly emotional. So I did stay without the sex part. Obviuosly it isn't on my priority list all the way up there, but respect definitely is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 10:10am
YES. No question. FMH6
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 10:13am
My answer is YES!

And that's nuts, cause I love sex. And I met OMM on a sex site. But, when we first met, he talked alot about going very slow, and we considered keeping it a non-sexual A. He had had an A in the past in which the friendship was very rewarding, but when they finally had sex , the sex was so bad, it ruined the whole relationship. So I think he was hesitant about going through the same with me. We waited about a month. By then it was becoming clear that not having sex when the attraction between us was so strong just felt really weird. It felt inevitable.

So we did start having sex, and I'm assuming it was ok, because I told him then, sex or no sex, I'll stay, you make up your mind. And I always let him decide what we're going to do on a date. If it were my choice, we'd go to bed everytime we got together. His choice is more like every third or fourth date. But I love his company in bed and out, so I just let things unfold as they will, and it's kind of exciting that way. Now and then, we'll be on what I'm assuming is a no-sex date, and suddenly he'll say something like, "do you think this car is big enough to f#@k in?" And I'll say, "you mean, theoretically?" And he'll say, "no, I mean, immediately." Then the sex that ensues is about ten times as hot than if we planned to get our usual hotel room, etc etc.

I think the combination of a little sex and a great friendship is very lovely. But I'd take the friendship on its own if that was what was offered me.

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