If you could choose just one thing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
If you could choose just one thing...
15
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:24am

What "one thing" would you have in your affair, that you don't?

And what "one thing" would you have in your marriage (if you are a married AP) that you don't?

For me, the one thing I wish I could have in my A is the ability for my OM to know my family and friends - I wish he could be "known" to them - impossible I know. I can't be "known" to his family either. I dreamed recently that he took me to a family wedding and his mother hated me, felt I was "bad/toxic" to her son because she knew who and what I was... no need to interpret what that dream meant! But after 11 years of his being such a big part of my life, I sometimes yearn for the impossibility of his being included in all of my life. So my "one thing" is an impossibility, but some of yours might be possible.

The one thing I wish I had in my marriage is a bigger physical attraction to my H. I married someone I was not very physically attracted to. I thought it wouldn't matter. I thought that that part of a relationship dies down anyway. That was probably the biggest mistake of my life. What I am missing there is also an impossibility to get, I think. If there once was attraction, I think it can be recaptured with therapy/counseling. But if it was never there, I think it's just a matter of that old "chemistry". He always had the chemistry for me - in spades! If I could have just had it also, maybe I wouldn't be here now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2010
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:57am

I wish I could spend one full day including over night with my AP. Just us talking, hanging out and being together in general. We only have the times we work together, Maybe a drink after work once in a while and we've hung out for a few alone 3 times in the 7 years we've been involved. He is not adventurous and is deathly afraid of hurting his wife.


With H I wish I could be myself completely. He doesn't allow me to be me and that is our biggest problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2010
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:59am

Hi Lexi,


The one thing i would love to have in my A?

Life is too Short ... A. since Mar 29th 2009

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2008
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 12:24pm

Another good question, Lexi!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2010
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 1:37pm

I feel exactly as you do in regards to the strong physical attraction that I don't have and never had for my husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 1:58pm

i agree with the time answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 9:15pm

Good questions!


As far as the affair goes, I wish our jobs and schedules didn't dictate how often/when we get to see each other or communicate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 9:42pm
Boy do I wish like many of you that I had more time with AP. He like many other men, is very cautious and kinda afraid of getting caught. I want more time with him!
I wish DH would kiss like AP..delicious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:03pm

Hmmm....well, like most of you, the one thing I'd wish for with AP is more time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:14pm
Time. We still don't seem to have enough time together and we're in a full blown, out in the open relationship. It is long distance (we live almost 2 hours apart), so time together is still incredibly valuable to us. Granted, we don't have to watch the clock or lie about where we are for those moments together. It's still hard with work, my kids.. life in general. I'd give anything to have 1 full week with him without ANY interruptions (hey, let me dream big ok? lol).
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 9:06am
Married without romance might be a good place to go sassy! A word of caution - sometimes if you post at another community here on ivillage, someone there will find out where else you have posted, and will post, for all to see, that you're "looking for romance in your marriage when you are having an affair???" I suggest to people who want to participate in other communities to use a different ivillage name to do so. I myself just don't go to other boards. Lexione is my only name here, but I've only posted on affair boards.

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