if you could go back....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
if you could go back....
1
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 1:42pm
Hi-

I'm new here.... kind of surprised to find myself here, actually.

Here's the story: I'm married, my husband is away for 2-3 months at a time (this time it's been 3), and averages about 6-7 months/year total away from me. It's a long story, about his work, and we've tried to change it for years but it's really hard to find jobs in his field, and honestly, I don't think he understands how hard it is for me.

Anyway, I thought I did really well with our situation, and I know when he's home I love him so much.

But this weekend I went abroad with a single girlfriend from college, and we partied like we used to... way out of hand! I met a guy there and for the first time since I met my H 4 years ago, I felt crazy inside because I was so attracted to him- totally chemical. We tried to be good but our last night there things crossed the line and we spent the night together but didn't exactly have sex.

The next day, I was dying because I couldn't talk to him- his friends were all around and they knew I am married, and before we left I wrote "I'm sorry" on the back of my business card and slipped it to him.

I know I should feel guilty, but it was just so amazing- I haven't felt that way in so long....

Anyway, it's been 2 days, and he hasn't emailed or called. I don't know if he will, but I just want to hear from him. It's killing me! And I feel guilty about that but not enough to not want it. And if he contacts me, should I write back? What if I start something? How badly will I regret it?

So I would love to hear any advice that anyone has, and my real question is this: if you could go back to before you were fully attached to the other person, and not communicate, remain totally faithful: would you? Or is it worth it when you're so alone to have someone there, even if it's wrong?

Thanks....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 2:37pm
If I could go back, I would not have crossed the line and would have remained 100% faithful to my DH. I think the world of my OM but this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I wish I had never made that decision. I totally understand the chemistry and the incredible nights and all that but don't forget that you probably had that when you first met your DH too and with time it all fades! Love is what got you and your DH together and love is what will keep you together but lust and chemistry in time will fade and then all you have left is regrets. Some people here are in love with the OM or OW and then I understand continuing a relationship because how can you choose between two loves but right now you are in the perfect place to walk away and forget what just happened.

Good luck to you!

Midori