If you had it to do again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
If you had it to do again...
8
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 4:35pm
Well this is the weekend.. and I'm new to this discussion board and new to the affair business... we're both married but wildly attracted to one another. We both want to keep our marriages intact; my husband is disabled and we are unable to have sex very often, and I'm more mother than wife -- he has a young child and can't see his way to breaking up his 2nd marriage though unhappy. We talk for hours most every day, I think of him all the time, he stirs me in a way I've never ever felt before. This weekend we are spending our first night together. We've had phone sex, but never the real thing. I've never even kissed him. I'm so anxious and scared, and so is he. What if the reality doesn't match the fantasy? I can't help but wonder how I'm going to feel by the end of the weekend... I'm already mourning not being with him. We'll be able to see each other every few months, and talk most every day, but I think of him constantly already. Will being together make that better or worse? If you had it to do again, would you? I don't know if I'm on the brink of a huge disaster, or the best time of my life. I just know that I've never felt quite so alive in my life. BYW... I'm not a kid -- I'm in my late 40's and have never had an affair before, never even contemplated one. Am I crazy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 4:55pm

Hey saturdaysister and welcome aboard,


Would I do it all again... hell

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 5:09pm
Hi Saturday and Welcome to our world:):) Fasten your seat beat because it can be a bumpy ride at times (in many different ways) (wink, wink)! Just take it easy this coming weekend and enjoy the moment. The first time may be awkward but make of it, as you will. I too am in my forties and never thought I'd be having an EMA but alas I have been for almost 2 years. I'm still having a great time with my MM whether we're tapping our boot heels together or just having fun with our friends. We're good friends and respect each other and our spouses (as weird as that sounds). Let us know how things go and don't leave out a thing. Teeheehee!!! We all love stories around here! Good luck! NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 12:41am
There is no way i would do anything different as far as my A w/MM is concerned!

He has taught me so much about myself that I had forgotten was there

I am a stronger person and alot happier now than I was before he came into my life

We have discussed the lack of guilt that we both feel, I thought I would feel guilty but none at all!!!

SB

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 11:03am

hi saturdaysister and welcome to the board!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 11:56am
Thank you all for your replies, advise, support... Finding this place to talk has been an amazing blessing. I slept through for the first time in a week. Talked to him last night and it was so refreshing to know that he was stuggling with the same things I was. And I bought my FIRST something black, lacy and completely redundant. Even that felt like a guilty pleasure -- emphasis on the pleasure part. 48 hours and counting! And gurlfriend... how do you manage to act like a grownup around him? That's a skill I will definitely have to master. For now, I keep avoiding all social situations where he and W will be present. But if I keep doing that, it will noticed... sigh. Perhaps when it's not so new.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 12:08pm

hey saturday and oh my, i can only imagine what that sexy, lacy something will do for your MM and you too!!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 2:06pm
I selected the "caution" emoticon just because I want you to think about what you're doing before you jump. Not passing judgment, believe me, but just make sure you know what you're getting yourself into before you do something you may regret further down the road. I have been in my EMA for almost one full year (and had a previous one before that) - I am S and he is M - I was in a LTR when I started and the EMA was just a symptom of a much larger problem. I ended my LTR, knowing that my EMA would stay an A with no hope of marriage or long term commitment. But it isn't like it hasn't disrupted other parts of my life and the way my friends look at me. I know it's exciting and I'm sure your MM makes you feel special and extraordinary and you make him feel the same way. Just think twice before you leap. It's not an easy life and there is much arranging and organizing, downtime when you're apart, dangerous thoughts, times when you're worried or scared and wish he could be there with you, times with no contact (and we all know how those feel!).... it's just a very different existance than you can imagine. Be ready if you do go to the next level.

I do wish you luck if you choose to proceed.... the board and it's members are always here for you to talk to and they are a wise, generous, kind, sympathetic, funny bunch! Good luck!

jpcstpaul

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 2:29pm

I was with my MM for 2 years before we did the deed.