If you left your H for OM...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
If you left your H for OM...
4
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 11:58am
do you think that all the amazing sex and passion and such would turn into what you have with H now?

OM and I could chat for hours about anything so wouldn't that go away at some point? We want to share all sorts of things together in our life won't that all get old?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 12:23pm
lill -- i don't have a H but i might as well have one -- been with BF for 10+ years.

here's what i think -- every R takes lots of work on both parties' part. reality/yourM is your every day life. the EMA/A is fantasy. passion flares and dies. but the man you love is worth every effort to be sexy, funny, interested, concilitory, etc. whether that man is your H or EMA lover. it ALL takes work. resolve to work at the R and never get complacent. or indifferent. that is the KISS OF DEATH!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 12:30pm
Hi Lill,

Believe me, I spend a lot of time thinking/fantasizing/wondering about that very question! My EMA is very new, as far as the sex, but I've been friends with this person for a while. I do really wonder if the sex part would dwindle away if it were a "legitimate" relationship. More than that even, I love my MM very much, the sexual part is fabulous, and we have a lot of fun together besides that, BUT he has certain personality traits that I know would infuriate me in a serious committed relationship (mainly he cannot handle money and he's completely disorganized). So, I think for me, it's best to leave it as it is. Although, trust me, I do fantasize about moving in with him and becoming his accountant/housekeeper/sex slave, and some days that sounds pretty good!

Sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 2:35pm
It certainly has the potential to get hohum. It's all in how you treat each other and feed the relationship. Part of it is time of life, too. There was a time I felt a passion for H that comes close to what I feel with OM. The passion ebbs and flows between babies, overdue bills, and typical family heartache and wonder that occurs. If you feed your M consistently, it will weather all that, become stronger, and, ultimately, more wonderful. If you get so caught up in all of that, then the M becomes routine and boring. That certainly happened in my M.

And when I'm on my own, my relationship with OM will reap the benefits of the fact that we don't have to deal with baby blues and staying up all night with the baby and growing up ourselves because we got married so young. We're at a much more independent stage of our lives, now, we are sure enough in ourselves to realize that a relationship can withstand, and may actually be richer for, our differences and that makes it seem more fun than the M did. I try to calculate that into the equation when I try to micromanage my future possibilites.

I'd like to think, though, that during the day I would carry on with life's everyday realities and at night I would be held in the arms of my OM and carried away to a different world. *THAT* I never had in my M.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 5:56pm
I did leave H for OM and the sex is still as great and hot as it was 3 years ago. I think that is why it has been so hard to leave, we just have the undenyable passion. NOT SURE why, but we have a chemistry I have NEVER had with anyone else...it is nutty!