If You're happy with M... then why

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Registered: 07-05-2003
If You're happy with M... then why
37
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 5:32pm


"just wondering"

=)


Edited 9/22/2003 1:47:37 AM ET by lexylew

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 6:26pm
LexyLew....

I am not one of those happily M women. But..I have a reply to your question.

I am M, and my H is like my best friend. Its one of those things where I cant live with him and I cant live without him. I love him, sure...but having an OM who gives me attention and admiration and physical love that my H lacks because of long hours of working, no energy and lack of sex drive....that is priceless to me.

Also...part of the excitement for me is the mysterious and exotic part of my life that is MINE and no one elses. To my hubby, he believes that i should have no private part of me. He belives that once you are married, you and your H and joined at the hip, per se...and have no privacy from one another. Its no fun to stay like that,let me tell ya!

Jeli

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
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Registered: 07-20-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 6:50pm
Hi Lexy, guess I need to respond here, since I'm one of those that would say I'm in a happy marriage. I've often wondered myself why I'm having an EMA. I really do have a great home life and a wonderful H. Could things be better....always. But all in all...I can't complain. My H is a wonderful provider, father, friend and lover. We have no problems whatsoever in the bedroom...although, at times...sure it's boring, who hasn't felt that way at times? He is very attentive to me, and is ALWAYS showing me love and affection, ALWAYS. Sometimes...I get tired of it> maybe that's it? I dunno, the last poster hit it on the head when she said she and her H were best friends...we are too. He is my best friend, has always been there for me, etc. We married very young (at 18) and I was pregnant to top that off but we've made it 16 years and counting together and have been through some of everything. There are times I think I'm the happiest person in the world...while still there are times when I think I'm miserable..but I honestly can't blame any of that on my H

I often think about what I am risking by doing this, especially since who I'm doing it with....(I've done this once before 12 years ago with the same MM, and I KNOW that I WOULDN'T be doing it with anyone else)...it's just something about this one man. I mean I do love him (MM) with all my heart and I do love my H...it's just different and hard to explain to most. This one man has never left my thoughts in over 18 years (I met him at 16) & we've had a complicated relationship to say the least...but, I think why??? What is it about him, do I owe it to myself to try and find out why? I know after 12 years of no contact...I don't intend on letting him go, I just don't know if I could. But at the same time...I don't want to hurt my H, I think I'd rather die first...I just don't think I could bear to ever cause him pain like that...so I don't know at times what to do.

I have three kids and I do everything for my family, I give them all 110% of myself...which I don't regret...but yet....at times I think "what about me?" What do I get, where's the ME I USED to be type thing. I know...this isn't any kind of "Hobby" I would suggest anyone take up...but, it is the one thing I do, that's my secret, my "thing" if that makes sense...which I know it doesn't. I can't make sense of it myself...but believe it or not, EMA's do happen to happily married people...but why...I wonder if anyone can really answer??

PR

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Registered: 07-05-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 7:07pm


=)




Edited 9/22/2003 1:48:01 AM ET by lexylew

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 7:37pm
I wonder the same thing all the time myself. If I would be totally "happy" with MM if I could have him...and maybe that's just it, it's one of those "want what I can't have" type things? I dunno. Maybe I need a therapist or something, I wonder at times. Cause everyone says...there is SOMETHING missing-but I swear, for the life of me, I don't know what it could be?- And then again, I think for me...and my situation, it's just this one long lost love type thing,,, else I don't think I would be doing this at all? It's never crossed my mind "really" seriously with anyone else. At least not to a point I would ever 'act' on it, if you know what I mean.

And I have to say also....cause I know 'somebody' out there is going to post this...I don't think "I" personally have anything missing in my life or that 'anything' is wrong with me, I don't have low self-esteem, etc., I've had three kids, am still a size 6, still look pretty much just like I did in high school, most people would probably consider me attractive..although, there are things of course "I" would change about myself. I don't have an ego problem by saying this, I'm just saying...I've been VERY LUCKY body wise, especially after having kids...I tell my friends this all the time when they say I make them sick (jokingly) cause I still have my figure...it's just LUCK? I'm one of the lucky ones. Anyway, needless to say I've never experienced having trouble attracting men or getting attention so I know that's not it??

I know I get attention at home, so that's not it either, mmmmm maybe the process of elimination would help me here...lol. << Seriously though, with me it's just about this one long lost love like I said before. I 've loved him I think since the first day I ever saw him, never forgot, never will...and if I could leave & be with this guy..... without hurting anyone...I would.......in a heartbeat, even though....."I'm Happy, per say" lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 8:12pm
hi girls not sure should post this since l have never been married.l wonder why would mm wnat to be with me since did have very happy marriage until his W got very sick never get better.maybe l'm 30 years younger the his W very pettie small lady to lm still size 2 my mm thinks lm very pretty lady.why would very happy married man want never women. kimmy
kimmy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 8:23pm
Hey Lexy...

I'm probably not quite one of the women you're after... while at the moment I'm rather content in my marriage and my life... it's mainly because of my EMA.

I've had marriage problems for a few years now... a whole part of it is not getting my needs forfilled. Oh sure! we've done marriage counselling and it has helped, but at the same time there are things that just can't be changed. I have a family and really do not want to break it apart.

My EMA fills quite a few voids... and not just the sex... this all in turn makes me content and life is good. If I'm happy... then those around me are too.

I know the risks... and I've weighed it all up... and it's one risk I'm willing to take. Regardless of what people will say about me should it all come out... I know in my heart and my head I have given my marriage everything... so I would be able to live with the outcome. However... of course I do everything to prevent it.

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 8:24pm
Kimmy...never wonder why MM would want to be with you! He's with you because he loves you..I've seen you post this many times and because you love him! Sometimes we just can't help who we love, we just do, there is no explanation for some things. I always read your posts, although I don't always have the time to respond...I do know your story. But you should never doubt yourself, he loves you because you are a beautiful person inside and out!!

And....I'm living proof that you CAN be "happily" married...(geez, I'm not sure that's the right expression) and STILL be in love with someone else!! I think it's totally possible to love more than one person. At one time, I didn't think this was so, but now I know it is.

PR

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 8:51pm
hi pretty thanks sweetie l do know mm loves in own special way.l do know when he was here with me past jan for holidys after dinner at my house he poring wine never glass and spill so went over to help clean up and thne ask him if want me to take care of him he said YES wish seen look on face made feel so happy inside knowin he does love me and wants me to. l worry about him all the time all the stress under right now.my mm knows how really love him and always will love him to.do know how sad lonely he is rigth now and see lm younger very health to.thanks sweetie big hugs kimmy
kimmy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 9:55pm
I WOULD never have a EMA if I was happily married. It really makes no sense to do have EMA if you are happily married. On the other hand, if you are miserable in a marriage it's different. It's never right but it happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 10:06pm
hi fredbabygrl n ot sure if you know lm single never been married my mm is one is very married.but if l was married l could never have affair that just mebut wonder why he wants me but so very happy he does love me and wants me to.kimmy
kimmy

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