I'm back, but fork in the road

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
I'm back, but fork in the road
11
Wed, 07-22-2009 - 2:25pm
I have finally completed my relocation and saw XAP last week since I am now in his home town.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Wed, 07-22-2009 - 2:43pm

Why not go the FWB route for a while? Bide your time that way, have some fun with it while you're settling in. Maybe he'll come around the way you want him to or maybe he won't but meanwhile you're getting something out of it other than just anguish. Just my .02

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Wed, 07-22-2009 - 3:31pm

Thanks Jana, I am thinking that is the way I want to go, and I thought

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Wed, 07-22-2009 - 4:02pm

Well, you can't make him care for you. And it's hard to control your feelings sometimes, I know. You can only control what you do. I'm just saying, if you go FWB and keep your feelings to yourself (hard as that is for you) you're at least staying on his radar screen and who knows, maybe he'll come around the way you want. If he knows about your feelings then he has all the power. If you keep him wondering, you keep some of the power for yourself. You don't have to jump each time he snaps fingers, either. It could be he really has feelings for you (or feelings that could develop) but withholds them because doing so makes him feel powerful.

A long time ago I had an AP I gave all to, including my heart, thinking he felt the same because he said so and it seemed like it. . .only to find out when we had an awful d-day how he really felt about me, as in, nada. Threw me right under the bus and backed over me a couple of times. With APs now I tell them it's FWB, that's it, and the funny thing is, sometimes THEY are the ones who start letting their emotions come into play. . .once they know I am serious about keeping them at arms length.

Hope this makes sense... ymmv as always

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Wed, 07-22-2009 - 4:42pm
Thanks again for that advice and I am totally going to try and go the FWB route.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Wed, 07-22-2009 - 5:14pm

Sounds like you're already well down that slippery slope with the emotions. He's got quite a hold on you. He says he doesn't go around cheating on his wife... well, he's cheating on her with you, isn't he. He's crossed that boundary and once you cross it, it gets easier and easier. If he's a player and you can't do without him then you just have to accept him for what he is and enjoy it for what it is. Expectations break hearts (believe me I know) and the less expectations you can manage to have, the better. What you should think about is, what are you in this for. If it's to end up in a RL R with him, that easily could end up being a heart breaker. If it's to have something fun and tasty on the side, that's another thing. Just be careful and protect yourself!

As always my .02

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 6:13pm

>>>"He tells me that he does not go around cheating on his wife"<<<

Is that his way of telling you, you don't count as someone significant enough to qualify as someone his cheating with on his W? How rude is that? Why would you want to be with someone so disrespectful?

>>>"I need some kind of trick to help me keep my hands under my butt everytime I feel like calling him or texting him."<<<

It's an addiction and you can conquer it by realizing that this guy will use you as long as you let him, there's NO future for you in this and you should go NC with him for good.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 8:44am
You guys are right and I should go NC with him, but I have to admit that I talk a big game and then the minute he calls my heart melts and I drop everything to answer him back!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2009
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 12:11pm

npain-


I don't normally post, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 2:31pm
Kimbo thanks so much for your advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2009
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 4:18pm

I completely understand.

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