I'm back. Update &I want yours........

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I'm back. Update &I want yours........
11
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 10:13am
Well we finally figured out the problem with the phone line and fixed it. The stupid dogs chewed through the line. LOL

Everyone wants my update huh? Ok Saturday mm and I went to the lake nearby and had a picnic. We spent all day just talking and getting to know each other. It was a wonderful day full of info for me. I think I love him even more now! We went for a long walk holding hands and playing and then watched the sun go down over the lake. It was a very romantic setting but we said no sex and that is exactly what we did. We just spent the day together. In the end we decided that it is best if we just stay the way we are right now and that is friends with benefits. Maybe down the line we will become more but with only 4 months into this neither one of us can bring ourselves to leave the spouse not being sure, so we are going to slow things way down and see where things take us from here. I think we just get caught up in the moment when we spend time together and for the few days following that day we miss each other like crazy and want that feeling to stay with us. We all know that can never happen.Sothere is where me and mm are at this point. He is coming tomorrow for a while because Saturday was really hard without the sex and now we both need it. LOL

As for me and H. Well Sunday we spent together with the kids and had a nice day.e talked quite a bit about things and both ended up realizing that we are no longer on the same page. I have moved up in my life and he has remained dormant. I want more out of this life and he is happy where he is right now. But, we are still pretty happy with each other. (love or comfort, i'm not sure which) but for now we are going to stay together. He is much happier in this marriage than I am but of course because he gets more out of it than I do. He gets his house cleaned, his laundry done, his meals cooked, his kids taken care of, and hell he usually gets sex when he wants it whether I want to or not. I on the other hand get a paycheck coming in and the bills paid. Thats it. Not much to work with. He says he wants to try and make me happy and I agreed to try buit here it is Thursday and the only thing he has done different this week is fix the phone line. I guess we'll see what the weekend brings.

So there it is girls, nothing real mind blowing. I want all of your updates today because I feel like I have missed a ton and this new board will take me eons to figure out and go through. LOL I missed you girls tremendously and knew you were all worried so that why yesterday I went to my friends just to let yall know I'm ok. I couldn't post the update then because she was standing there and doesn't know about me and mm. I'm back now and yall know where to find me. Sorry about that yesterday Lily. LOL Hookedonhim

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 10:27am
Now that's MUCH better!! LOL.

It sounds like you ended up in a good place with MM and I'm so glad you both agreed to slow it down. One helluva ride you're having!

As for H... have you told him specifically some things you might want to see him do to help out in your M? I literally sent my H an email March 1st that said, "My birthday is coming up and in light of our recent discussions about romance and such in our marriage, I want YOU to plan a night away... the hotel, the location, the babysitters, etc. My only other criteria is that it please be something you think *I* would like, not something *you* think is cool." I was pretty darn explicit. But the result is one night away at a historic vacation/resort area that he knows I like, and so far the only place he 'fell down' was in arranging the sitters, but he did try to help out there once I made the first contact. (He had "forgotton" that piece of the puzzle!) Anyway, my point is that I think some H's need a very specific, directed nudge before they start getting the idea. My H is not a stupid man... until it comes to romance in our M!!! He even told me that he probably has to do this a few times before he gets it down right, and he was nice enough to ask the advice of someone he works with, whose wife almost left him three years ago for the exact same reason. His friend put in overtime to make her feel loved and cherished and told my H that to this day, he does those little extra things - love notes, plans evenings out, etc. - to remind her that he HAS changed. And he said like anything... it takes practice! So help your H out a little and see if that doesn't improve things.

You know my update... I've been posting it everywhere because I'm caught between confusion, excitement and a bit of annoyance! Now I'm just waiting to see if OM's cousin gets mad at me -- if he even tells her that I called him without 'checking with her first' -- or if he brings her along on Sunday, or if he cancels altogether!!

So good to have you back!

-lily

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 11:15am
So glad you are back!! It seems as though things are working themselves out in a good fashion for you. I totally understand how the first few months are soooo very intense and you want to spend more and more time together and it is so hard when you CAN’T spend time together. BTDT I think you are doing the right thing – developing a strong friendship and see where it leads you later. Your marriage deserves the extra chance you are giving it. I hope that in the end (next month, next year, who knows?) that you will find true happiness – either with MM, H…or even on your own!!

My update. Well I expressed my current emotions in response to Meow’s poll. My MM is still gone and I don’t expect to see him for another week. Yes I miss him, but also appreciate the time I’ve had to focus on me and my M KNOWING that MM is not affecting my day to day actions. MM could come back and immediately say “ok, where were we….” And we pick right back up where we left it. Or he may make no mention of it at all. I am not going to push either way. Not that I want him to have all of the control, but I’m willing to follow his lead. I don’t know where I want to go at this point, so I wouldn’t be a very good leader right now anyway LOL.

Ya know hooked, sometimes I wonder if I hold onto my R with MM so that I know I’m in the picture if his M fails and so I know he is in the picture if my M fails – even though we’ve made NO promises to each other for ANY potential future togethr. And yet other times I wonder if I’m still with him for my own ego – I mean how cool is it that this man who I’ve know for so many years now wants me as a lover?!??! One thing I’ve learned in the past few months that I DIDN’T know for sure the last year or so is that I still love my H. But I’m scared that I may have already emotionally divorced him months ago and even though we are doing sooo much better now and he is trying sooo hard and the changes he’s made have made our life so much better!

Ugh…too much thinking today, feeling very confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 11:34am
hey hooked....i know you and you know me..can you guesS WHO i am?lets just say you brought me something this morning.lolololol have you figured it out?heheheheheheheheheheheh..WHATS UP GIRL????
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 12:02pm
I think I can figure that one out Lor. I knew you'ld be checking on me. LOl
Avatar for babeslvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 12:18pm
well hooked my MM has been trying to find a new job. with no luck of course. he had an interview yesterday, which was the day i was going to see him til he remembered. i still dont know how that went, i am waiting to hear. H likes to make smart a$$ remarks and has informed me that one more reason to suspect an A and its over. no i am not upset about that. he went to far as to tell me he has made sure that the animals will be taken care of so he wont need to change job locations. now do i look dumb here. i just want the horses and a few dogs. oh ya and the computer. he is not happy that i want to become an appraise, he thinks it is a waste of money. his money of course. so i have been trying to play the game of love with him. heck the sex with him sucks. so what does he have to offer me now. and i forgot if my MM does get this job he will be farther away from me. we are 2 hours apart now and it is hard to see each other i cant imagine 2-3 more hours away. but hey i have you girls to get through this right? well thats my update.

oh ya he got up at 3am this morning to email me. can ya see my grin?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 12:31pm
Sounds like you had a good weekend...a weekend of some serious discussions and putting things into perspective....i'm so happy for you...and i'm glad you were able to talk openly and honestly with both MM and H and now have a better idea of what's ahead...*s*

molly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 12:36pm
Hi Hooked, I'm glad that things are on the right track with you and MM. I know where your coming from with your M too! It's tough to be in a one-sided M but for now it's working right?

As far as an update not too much is new MM went out of town & I won't see him till next Monday (but only professionally I'm sure) He left on Tuesday and I did manage to get a hug and kiss good-bye that was very sweet. It's is sustaining me. I was hoping that he would be on-line so we can chat but so far he hasn't been. (it's not something we get to do usually, oh well I'll try again tonight)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 2:42pm
Hey blue hang in there. He'll be home soon. Keep that hug and kiss in your heart till then.Love ya, hooked.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 5:58pm
Hooky, can I call you that.. LOL, you are the best. All of you posts make me laugh. I am glad you had a good weekend with your MM. Sounds heavenly... I envy you, sometimes... You have an MM that makes you feel so special all the time. Sorry about your phone line, watch out for that doggy.. lol
Avatar for jolane48
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:18pm
Hey Hooked-glad you are back-and I am glad you seem to be in a good place with where you are right now-you can read my posts to see where I am-think I am just worn out-I will try to re-group this weekend and maybe be me soon-just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and love you. Hugs Jo

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