I'm the betrayed; quick??, no bashing
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I'm the betrayed; quick??, no bashing
| Tue, 11-04-2003 - 1:14pm |
I have a question for the OW. Quick review. My H and I together for 16 years. Married very young. H had affair with coworker several years ago, lasted about 2 yrs. I had no idea. People keep telling me there should have been signs, sorry I just did not see them. H always loving towards me.(Guess only sign would be that he became a little distant during that time). He claims it just happened. He was not feeling wanted by me and she chased him. Said it happened a couple of times, and then he tried to get out, but she threatened to call me, and so began their so-called on and off again relationship. He said he finally tried to end things for good and told her he did not care about her threats. Things were left alone for several months, and then my H and I were purchasing a new home, and whole company knew and she found out, and alas, the phone call came. She had supposed friend call me(however, sounded like her now that I recognize her voice, still have never met or seen her) The phone call was very hurtful. She was very vicious and said horrible things to me about keeping my H on a leash. She actually had my home called twice in one weekend. She also threatened me. Needless to say, I was sick to my stomach, hurt and confused (not to mention had been going through fertility for almost a year, trying to get pregnant for almost four years). My sister spoke with her(sister very angry) and the person claims she did not mean to hurt me, just wanted to ruin his life, because she does not need to be hurt anymore. I do not know this person, I did not cause the affair, and forgive me for saying this, but I am not at all concerned about her hurt and pain. I feel she brought this on herself. I am not throwing stones, I have friends involved in extra-marital relationships, (which I do not believe in, but I understand what they are going through). Now, for once, I am on the receiving end, and my feelings towards this subject have changed. I simply want to know if any of you have ever contacted the wife or spouse and what your reasoning was for doing so, and if you had any idea the pain that you may have caused the innocent party involved. I do not understand why this person would be so cruel towards me for something that I have no control over. My anger with this person probably would have subsided now (since being a year), except for the way I was attacked. I have never confronted this person(actually, am a bit afraid of her, she does not sound very stable). I am grateful that I did found out, because obviously H would never have told me, but not in the manner in which I found out. Have any of you ever been confronted by spouse??? How did you handle situation. I am still very confused, and though may be would get some answers from the OW's point of view.
Thank you in advance for any responses.

A better place for you to get answers would probably be the All Sides of An Affair Board. Here's a link:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rbmyaffair
I would never want to cause the man I am involved with ANY pain -- him or the people he loves. That I just don't understand. So I can't help you. I am truly sorry for the pain your H and the OW caused you.
Good Luck,
Charlotte
it seems to me that the OW in your life is extremely unstable, resentful and very angry. she can't take it out on your H for whatever reason, so she blames you and reacts accordingly. that is totally wrong because you are the innocent party in all this.
i'm sorry you've been hurt and are upset. get caller id if you don't already have it and screen your calls until you feel safe. if she continues harassing you, get a court order restraining her from calling your home, cell phone, office, whatever. generally, you have to go to your local District Court for this.
take care,
gurl
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Good luck and peace to you...
ItalianPisces
Thanks for responses. Well appreciated.
As much as I agree w/what you posted, I must say that OW had no business contacting DW. That was just mean, vengeful, and heartless. DW didn't know OW from Adam. OW's beef was w/MM and that's whom she should have taken up her beef with. In this particular situation, OW took DW hostage to get back at MM.
Trish, again I'm very sorry this OW contacted you the way she did. With time your pain will subside. In the meantime, be strong, love yourself, and seek out the good in your DH. There is hope for your marriage if you want it to work.
Take care.
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