I'm calling the W - wish me luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
I'm calling the W - wish me luck
8
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 1:30pm
She is still harassing me so I finally agreed to speak with her. She's been making all kinds of crazy threats. I just need this to stop. So I emailed her and told her I'd call. I also told her I wouldn't respond to any more email from her. For whatever reason, getting email from me seems to have calmed her and she has stopped emailing. The phone call is going to suck but I think it is the only way to get her to back off. She wants to talk to H too. He REALLY doesn't want to talk to her, but has agreed to if it will make her go away. Basically she wants me to know that "I've ruined her family forever" and she wants my H to know how awful I am. I just want this over with. I want to pick up the pieces and move on.

Wish me luck!

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 2:46pm
I don't know if anyone has been keeping up with my story - I think there are a couple of you out there who are. Anyway, here's an update. I called the W. She didn't want to talk to me - only my H. So he got on the phone with her and they talked for a couple minutes. She confirmed that H knew that MM and I had talked. She warned him that MM might move closer to me after the D and told H that I need counseling to get over the A, etc. H told her we've been M for a long time, we've been through a lot, we'll get through this too. Then he hung up. So that's it. I told her in my email that I'm done with everything now - no more phone calls no more email. So hopefully I can begin to put this behind me. Right now my emotions are so overloaded that I'm numb - I know Red can relate. But very soon I'll be an emotional wreck because 1. I've put my H through all this, 2. I feel at least partially responsible for MM's impending D and 3. I still love MM and I always will.

Thanks for all of you who've been reading and thinking of me - especially Red Bella. I'm sure I'll be posting again since there's still a lot of unresolved stuff to deal with and there's no one out there who understands like y'all do. Thanks again!

Peace

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 2:56pm
hi gb and boy, oh boy, you've been through the wringer. sorry, honey, and this does suck. i remember your story, but the only thing MM's W and your H knows is that you two "talked" as in talking, right? nothing physical?? i'm not saying that it's better you and MM were caught "just talking" but that's better than full-on sexual activity, falling in love, etc. so give yourself some time and space to regroup and concentrate on your M/H and lavish attention on him and yourself. MM's M was imploding on its own. you might have been the catalyst, but his W was already crazy and MM wasn't being very circumspect about email, etc. with you. like you said, he probably wanted to get caught. which doesn't show me that your MM really deeply cares about you since he was being careless and selfish and alerted his W, who made your life a living nightmare!!

so take it easy on yourself and the guilt. as your H told his W, you two have been together a long time and been through alot so this is just another period of readjustment and fine-tuning. every R goes through these stages. hang in there and come back and let us know how you're doing.

hugs to you gb. please know you will get through this and in time will even learn from it. take care sweetie.

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 4:02pm
Thank you for your kind reply - you don't know how much your support means to me! To answer your question, when W first found out about us she found a lot of email - so she has a pretty clear picture of how MM and I feel about each other (ie that we love each other). I had to explain the situation to H but I didn't show him any email and I didn't tell him about the depth of my feelings - although I suspect he's been reading between the lines and has an idea. MM and I were supposed to cut all contact. We did cut way back but we continued to communicate some (via secret email accounts but usually by phone). Earlier this week W found an old email account of MM's and in it was an old email from BEFORE she found out about us last time. She freaked out and accused MM who confessed (don't ask me why) that he and I have talked a couple times. I had already told H that MM and I had talked - he'd asked if I had heard from MM and I had told him yes. There has never been anything physical between MM and me. Never. I know that H would never be able to forgive me for that so it was a line I always refused to cross.

Sadly, I don't think this is over yet. She's hinted that she is sending me/my H something. Not sure what it could be. Perhaps copies of the email? H says he'll just throw away anything she sends. I worry that maybe she's going to try to sue me or involve me in the D some how. Not sure what she's up to but I just have a strong sense that she's not done yet.

H has been way better about all this than I ever expected. I agree with your suggestion about lavishing attention on him and the M. I'm trying. Part of the problem with our M to begin with is that H isn't around much. He's trying to be better though.

Anyway, I will keep everyone posted on the situation. Thanks again for your well wishes. Please keep me in your thoughts - I need all the positive vibes I can get.

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 8:36pm
hi gb and honey, she can't do anything to you! you haven't done anything other than talk to each other. and apparently their M is rocky anyway. sorry to say this but if you hadn't been in the picture, it would have been some other woman MM started "talking" with and developed a relationship with. not to say you both don't feel what you feel, but i'm just saying obviously MM was unhappy at home and looking to connect with someone and that someone happened to be you.

go with your gut and be wary of whatever MM's W says, but actions speak louder than words and it's true. if she send copies of the emails, so what? it's just words. if you can look at your H and say nothing happened, then he'll believe you, no matter what. as you said, you never crossed the physical line and there aren't pics or anything like that, you've been pretty honest about talking and being friends, so whatever MM's W wants to do, tell her to bring it!

i know you're worried about all this, but MM's W has enough to deal with at home and is taking her anger out on you, instead of MM. how fair is that? it isn't but that's life.

MM and his W need to deal with their marital problems and leave you alone. and if it were me, i'd even tell MM's W that you'll be filing harassment charges against her if she doesn't stop all contact with you immediately - phone, email and regular mail. i believe it's called a cease and desist order. turn the tables on her and stop being the victim. get mad and chase her away!

keep your chin up, gb!!

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 8:54pm
Thank you so much - I needed the pep talk! I'm mad at myself because I deleted a bunch of the email from the W. I saved a lot of it too though. I started keeping it because I figure it's good leverage if I need it later. I can use it as evidence for a Cease and Desist Order as you suggested or I can threaten to send it along to whatever court would like to see it (in regards to the D) as evidence of her character. (Eventually I will close my account and get a new one so she can't reach me there any more.)

You are right - I do need to chin up and stand my ground. In fact, MM emailed me those exact words earlier today. I don't think he knows what she has been up to. I didn't enlighten him - he's got his own problems. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel stronger - especially if I can manage to eat something and get some sleep. Right now I just feel dragged down and sad. I still feel partly responsible for what happened even though I know I shouldn't.

Anyway, thanks again. You've been a major life line for me today when I deserately needed one. I hope I can return the favor one day.

(((hugs)))

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 9:01pm
hey, i'm here as much as i can be. my own life is spinning out of control. but you know what, right now, i'm on the board (and in chat if anyone wants to join in) instead of emptying the dishwasher or doing some laundry, etc. because i just want to do something that i want to do. of course no one is home right now, but that means i have 30-40 minutes to myself. i can do all that other stuff later. so why don't you order in your absolute favorite food, pizza, wings, whatever and sit down and eat whatever you can and then curl up on the sofa and snooze or better yet, just go to bed and relax. hey about a glass of wine with the pizza. that will smooth those rough edges for you.

seriously, gb, don't worry over his W. she's making a ton of noise, but do think she will seriously put her issues out in a public forum for everyone in town to snicker over? she's trying to scare you away and keep her H at home. and it's not working since MM's still emailing you positive reinforcement.

do something just for you right now. stay on the board if you want to. or go read a book. or take a bath, with candles. anything to take your mind off this crap for awhile.

i'll be around. just holler and i'll come arunning.....

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 10:39pm
All very good suggestions! Wine with pizza sounds awesome! Might save that for tomorrow... I think I'm gonna call it a night and try to get some sleep. Sorry about chat - ended up chatting with some of my girlfriends instead. I'm heading out of town with some of them next week. The trip will be just what I need. I definitely wanna get set up for MAS chat though - might email you later.

I'm sorry to hear your life is spinning out of control. Have you posted about it? I'll have to try to find the thread. Whatever is going on it sounds like you've got the right attitude. Stay strong!

Thanks again for everything. You rock! I hope you have a good night and a great weekend!

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 11:23pm
nighty night gb!!