I'm curious

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
I'm curious
17
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 2:29pm
What were some of your expectations going into the A that you are in? Especially the ones that are either MW and seeing MM or even single and seeing MM. SOXS

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:17am
Hi Soxs,

My expectations of MM at the beginning of the A were simple - I expected to be treated with respect, and honesty. I also *expected* trust, but I've since learned it is earned - which I have, and since I have his respect and honesty...he is still my cat's meow.

I didn't know what to expect of the A itself in the beginning, and because it has gone through phases I've not experienced (or recognized) in other relationships, I still don't know what to expect, except to enjoy it for what it is, this minute. I remember expecting it wouldn't last beyond six months or so, but it has...

I expected for myself that I would feel sexy and desireable, and enjoy a fantastical physical relationship - and that I do. I also expected to be a good friend to MM...and our friendship has grown.

My expectations of MM and the A haven't changed, but the expectations of myself have - because I have changed...and the (new) expectations of myself would apply regardless of the A. I "expect" I have learned swifter having been in the A.

Meow (who was M at the beginning of A, now D)


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 9:48am
Hi there, I am MW seeing MM. Expectations? That he will keep in contact with me, completely satisfy me when we are together (on this he has not failed me). That this will continue for a long time, we have both expressed that this is what we want.

We are at a comfortable place I think. Where we know what each other likes, and give that when we see each other. Its maybe not a "regular" relationship, but it does feel good to me, and if it stopped feeling good, I would try and end it.

Would I do this again? No, it is hard to be seeing a person who you know realistically that if you had met when you were single (because he's said this before) that you would have been really compatable. But he is M (so are you) and not planning on ending that.

Not in the near future anyways.

Do I see a future? I try not to think too far ahead of myself. I take it one day, one week at a time. But before you know it, here we are going into our 3rd year together.

I think that's why sometimes guys freak out, if they actually stop and think about it, "wow, I've been seeing this woman for xx years".

I find it comforting to think but I think maybe for men, it may cause guilty feelings.

Just my 2 cents.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 10:17am
I'm a MM in relationship with MW. Going into this we both agreed we wouldn't do anything to hurt or sacrifice our families. They would always come first. I think we realized we both were desperately wanting for attention and affection that was severely lacking in our marriages to very non-emotional people.

However- since this began our feelings have really overwhelmed us. I truly feel she is my soulmate and she has told me the same. I always knew the day would come when I would finally leave my wife- meeting my MW has just accelerated this for me. I guess I like to read these boards because I feel more like the woman in this relationship- I'm the one that asks we do everything possible to try and contact each other at least once/day, I'm the real romantic, and I'd run away with her the second she said ok. She is still working thru issues and hasn't decided she can leave her marriage yet. Right now we are trying to take it one day at a time. But we have spent days together and I definitely know we are perfectly compatible and we have both admitted that if we had met each other single we would be one of those crazy couples that ran away together within months of meeting each other. We just fit so perfectly!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 10:20am

hey sox!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 11:35am
Boy oh boy, can I relate. It actually makes me feel better to see that there are other men out there who are as crazy about their women as I am.

What was I expecting going into this relationship? Nothing, but I was hoping for a lot. There is a big difference, I think, between wanting and hoping for something and expecting it to happen.

Hey, good luck, man. Hope she makes her decision soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:08pm
Going into this R, we just started out as friends, talking and it just evolved. We had tons of things in common and the tide just turned on us. The only expectation we really have is to be honest with each other about our marriages and we have been. I only expect to be treated with respect and love (and I've not ever been let down on those from my MM) and to treat him the same way. I love him completely.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:20pm
Hey guys.. just want to say how lucky your ladies are. My MM can't make me a priority, although I seem to have made him one of mine. Don't get me wrong... he makes me feel every bit a woman, and I know he's absolutely crazy about me physically and intellectually, but I just wish sometimes that the emotions weren't so one-sided. But it is what it is and I'm glad to have him in my life.

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