I'm desperate....
Find a Conversation
I'm desperate....
| Thu, 10-30-2003 - 9:51am |
I feel like my world is crashing around me. I have been married to my H for 6 years. I questioned if I really loved him right before the wedding. He was a good man who was very stable financially and I was a single mother struggling. For the past 6 years we basically just went our seperate ways. We didn't vacation together, he really didn't involve himself in my life or my daughter's. We really only had S*X once every couple months. I can remember lying in bed at night silently crying because I just felt so unwanted.
Like I said he was a good man he just really didn't pay any attention to me. I never felt like he he cared at all about me. After a couple years the resentment set in with me. We never really argue but we don't really communicate either.
My daughter is involved in an activity that consumes almost ALL of my free time. Well of course, you can guess now comes in the MM. His child is also involved in this activity and we've been friends because of this for about 6 years. We have occassion to see eachother almost everyday and also spend alot of weekends away. Yes, are kids are there but his wife and my H have never involved themselves at all. So here we are two lonely friends that start a relationship. BAM!!!!!! I can't ever remember feeling SO special, so loved in all my life. He is the most attractive, sexy man I've ever met. He is already in the process of a divorce. He makes me realize how dead I have felt for all these years.
After my marriage lost that loving feeling with H I had came to the conclusion that this was as good as it gets and me and H were going to be together forever just because that is how it's supposed to be. We also have a 3 year old son.
Here is the problem....... I decide that I can't live in the loveless marriage anymore. It even has gotten to the point where I don't even find H attractive anymore. The closer I get to MM the farther away I want from H. I tell H that I have fallen out of love with him because of the lack of love and attention. To my surprise he is SHOCKED that I feel this way. He says he loves me and that I am his entire world. Now comes the guilt. I don't want to stay married but I can't seem to leave. I feel SO bad. I can't answer the question if I love H or not. It sounds so crazy but I just don't know. We even tried counseling but it made it worse. She just brought up issues from the past that just made me angrier. He's trying SO hard to be a loving husband. My fear is if I stay I will never be truely happy or If I go I will be making the biggest mistake of my life. MM is so supportive. We have no future plans to be together. We just enjoy eachother for the moment. We have a great friendship. But MM also tells me that my bad marriage is what threw us into a relationship and If I truely loved my H I wouldn't be with him. Any light? Any words of wisdom? I need something to grasp onto to help me make the right decision. I don't know if I can hurt H but I can't imagine a day without mm. If I could go back 8 years MM would be my H now. I feel like we were made for eachother. But have I already made a choice I should stick too?
Thank you.
Like I said he was a good man he just really didn't pay any attention to me. I never felt like he he cared at all about me. After a couple years the resentment set in with me. We never really argue but we don't really communicate either.
My daughter is involved in an activity that consumes almost ALL of my free time. Well of course, you can guess now comes in the MM. His child is also involved in this activity and we've been friends because of this for about 6 years. We have occassion to see eachother almost everyday and also spend alot of weekends away. Yes, are kids are there but his wife and my H have never involved themselves at all. So here we are two lonely friends that start a relationship. BAM!!!!!! I can't ever remember feeling SO special, so loved in all my life. He is the most attractive, sexy man I've ever met. He is already in the process of a divorce. He makes me realize how dead I have felt for all these years.
After my marriage lost that loving feeling with H I had came to the conclusion that this was as good as it gets and me and H were going to be together forever just because that is how it's supposed to be. We also have a 3 year old son.
Here is the problem....... I decide that I can't live in the loveless marriage anymore. It even has gotten to the point where I don't even find H attractive anymore. The closer I get to MM the farther away I want from H. I tell H that I have fallen out of love with him because of the lack of love and attention. To my surprise he is SHOCKED that I feel this way. He says he loves me and that I am his entire world. Now comes the guilt. I don't want to stay married but I can't seem to leave. I feel SO bad. I can't answer the question if I love H or not. It sounds so crazy but I just don't know. We even tried counseling but it made it worse. She just brought up issues from the past that just made me angrier. He's trying SO hard to be a loving husband. My fear is if I stay I will never be truely happy or If I go I will be making the biggest mistake of my life. MM is so supportive. We have no future plans to be together. We just enjoy eachother for the moment. We have a great friendship. But MM also tells me that my bad marriage is what threw us into a relationship and If I truely loved my H I wouldn't be with him. Any light? Any words of wisdom? I need something to grasp onto to help me make the right decision. I don't know if I can hurt H but I can't imagine a day without mm. If I could go back 8 years MM would be my H now. I feel like we were made for eachother. But have I already made a choice I should stick too?
Thank you.

Obviously there are some deep rooted emotional burdens in your marriage that are going to hurt if you uproot them but that's now things get fixed. Perhaps you need to revisit the counselor to be certain that you are ready to close the door on your marriage and move on...it doesnt sound like you are yet.
On a final note....ALWAYS remember the grass always looks greener on the other side...
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
My H played the "shocked" card too, but how shocked can he be?? Neither one of us were acting like happy people.... i tried to leave a year before... i told him i was miserable. Our marriage counselor (we went one time) said it happened all the time. Us women try to tell our men what's bothering us and that the end is near. They assume we'll stay and we aren't "that" upset. Eventually we say we are leaving then they want to try. Well by then, us women are too tired to try anymore. We've BEEN trying, afterall.
i would think, if you are not sure if you love him, then that's probably a "no". Maybe you USED to love him, maybe you love the OLD him, maybe you love the idea of him, maybe you love the idea of marriage. But i would venture to say none of these enough are going to render your feeling fulfilled.
But i also think (JMHO) that leaving for MM is a HUGE step, and no matter what he says (God knows i know this one) he may not leave his W for you and he may not end up with you. Does that mean stay married?? No, it means if you leave, leave for you.
Sorry this got so long
jen