I'm doing it....I'm filing

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
I'm doing it....I'm filing
63
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 10:22am
My H and I had a big fight last night...the final straw, so to speak. He is a very angry, domineering person and can be quite cruel to me and the kids. His anger has gotten to the point where I am almost afraid to be around him. My stomach knots up just thinking about going home to face him tonight. I'm going to play it cool for a few days in order to retain an attorney, find an apartment, and arrange to have a day off work to get everything moved. I'm even going to have the papers served while I'm moving out in order to have a police officer at my house in case he shows up. I'm even going to try to obtain a restraining order against him because of his anger. Have any of you ever gone through this type of situation? My MM is very supportive of me...he knows I am doing this for me and the kids...he knows it's not for him. But in him, I have found a wonderful listener and a person with the background and education to give me good advice. If I didn't have him right now, it would be so easy to fall apart. I am grateful for each of you, as well. Thank you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 4:48pm
Good luck. This is a very hard time for you. What a great group. You are all SO supportive even when you disagree. I am so glad to have found you all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 5:19pm
Anne,

I can appreciate your background and how that has affected you. My father was neglectful to my mother also and although I didn't know it as a child, I did find out later he was unfaithful also. Whether that has affected me as an adult, I have no idea. I like to think I have my own issues that have affected me, although many are from my childhood. I'm working on those issues because I haven't always liked the person I have been either. But I do now.

I still think you are projecting your image of your father on to me. I find it very condescending that you call me "not an infinitely lost cause". I consider myself to be an excellent father and despite what you may think, my sons come first for me. Now you may think that the mistakes I've made prove otherwise, but I'm not your father. I never intended to hurt anyone and I fully recognize that I have. You're right, I don't want to go where your family has been. But I've got news for you, I never have. No two people are alike and the way your father behaved sounds nothing like me. So I appreciate your concern, I honestly do. But understand that I am fully aware of my flaws and am working to correct them now. You say that a mother's pain will be felt by the children. Well did you ever think that a father's pain will as well? I'm not some absentee father. I'm my son's primary caregiver. I changed his diapers and fed him his bottles when he was a baby and I wipe his butt and give him his baths and tuck him in at night now. I guess all I'm asking is that you don't judge me and assume I'm headed down some bad path. I like to think I'm going in the right direction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 6:18pm
NRY-

I am also in your same position. I moved out and got an apt on Feb 2 and I have never been happier. I have not gotten a restraining order but with the voice mails I've received in the last month I could get one in a split second. Good for you! You definitely have the upper hand right now, and that is important. I too walked away from my house. I would do ANYTHING to get away from H. MM has also been EXTREMELY supportive and did all of the "man stuff" for me at my new apt....it was so sweet! H is now threatening MM which is driving us both crazy. He has left W since I have left H. We are not living together although he got a place right down the street. I truly could not be happier with my situation right now. I did not leave H for MM and MM did not leave W for me, although having each other made it so much easier! Good luck to you and keep us updated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 7:08pm

Hi noregrets,


Have got any advice for you on this one hon... but I just wanted to wish you all the best... I'm glad that you are doing the best thing for you and your kids and that you have a friend in MM to lean on... and then here when you need it.


Good luck and do keep us updated with your happenings.


luv and hugs

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My Affair Support
Email me

"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly"

"Happiness is like a butterfly, if pursued it is always out of our reach. However if we sit quietly, it comes and rests gently on our shoulder"

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 7:50am
Thank you all again so much for the concern and good luck wishes. I'm supposed to talk to my attorney today. Hopefully, I'll get a lot of good news to go with. I'll keep you posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 9:28am

hi noregrets -- keep your chin up girl!!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 10:32am
Beside the obvious questions...custody, debt, reason I'm leaving...etc. what "not so obvious" questions should I consider? Thanks everyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 10:35am

noregrets -- are you entitled to part of his pension, are you in a "no fault" state, can you "date", that kind of thing.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:03am
Take a look at this http://www.divorcesoftware.com/splitgen/sp/xx/processnofault.htm

It might be somewhat helpful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:18am
Sheesh, they have a software for every kind of problem, don't they?? :)

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