I'm feeling a little scared.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I'm feeling a little scared.......
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 9:34am
I've got to write fast, they have filtered this site from our network at the office. MM, found an apartment on yesterday. He put down his deposite. Which measn he is moving ahead with his plans to leave and possiblely D his W.

MM, has been seperated from his W before. This is nothing new. What scares me is not knowing what the future holds for us. The last time MM was seperated from his W, he turned into a real Playboy. I found out he was seeing myself and at least 2 other women, and still trying to get back with his W. During the time he was seperated from his W, our R hit rock bottom. That's when our R took a turn for the worst. It hasn't been the same since. I don't trust him. I wonder is he going to turn into that Playboy again. As long as he is home with his W, he is a differet person. But, once he leaves her, he turns into someone else. During that time MM, lied to me constantly, trying to cover his behavior with the 2 other women, and still seeing his W "everyday".

I was watching Oprah yesterday, and the topic of discussion was cheating. There was something said that really made me think. Getting through the betrayal (which is what I felt when I found out MM was seeing those other women) takes time to get over. You get over it when you do. But, as long as MM is still lying to me, I will never trust him. And, MM is still lying to me.

I'm starting to ramble, because I can't get my thoughts together. I'm trying to get this out before I get kicked off the network.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

SL