I'm fence sitting........
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I'm fence sitting........
| Wed, 11-05-2003 - 11:32am |
My H is forcing me to try to get back to a real marraige or leave. I can't seem to break down the wall I have built and let him into my life again. Tried counseling..... I don't think I love him but I can't be sure. I know that sounds crazy but I think I really love the comforts of my big house and my family. But if we didn't have kids I wouldn't be there. How can I figure out how I really feel about him?

finished off 3 bottles of wine while i fell asleep with our oldest... at the time only 4yrs old... i left that night, called him at work , packed up the suitcases, and went to Moms from the frying pan into the fire, but now 2yrs later.... I DO consider him partially responsible for the big A, he treated me differently after the children came and after my daughter no sex for two years and even before that we had it once in seven months....
He didn't drink like that when we were first married and then stopped till the day my daughter was born, it was like omg i have two kids it's Miller time....anyway I was not his W, I was his roomate.... so my point is-- the A is-- I believe symptom of the
bad relationship, not what causes it to go bad......
i was in the same situation -- trying to figure out if i wanted to stay in my marriage for the "comforts" of the "big house", plenty of money and of course the kids being with their dad. but you know what, trying to keep it all together and "appear" interested in my H took its toll and i ended up almost having a nervous breakdown. woke up one morning and couldn't stop crying, shaking, banging the walls! called my girfriend close by and she came to the house, took care of the kids - got them dress, fed, on the school bus and to daycare -- then sat with me, feeding my tea and calming me down. later that day i rented an apt., made arrangements for movers, packed my stuff and the kids' stuff. however, when my H came home, and i told him what i'd done and that i was leaving within the week, with the kids, he said i could leave but the kids were staying with him.
we fought about that for days until my son who was 8, said "mommy, we can stay here with dad and you can come visit us every day" which i did. my apt. was 5 minutes away and they came over 2-3 times during the week and almost every weekend. after less than 6 weeks, my H ended up moving out of the "big house" because he couldn't handle the kids and work and their activities.
so i moved back in with the kids and i felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders because my dead M was finally over! that's the short story, but my point is that you will know when the M is really over - when you are ready to leave all the "comforts." and it will happen, believe me.
good luck,
gurl
we agreed on 50/50 custody, but he wouldn't let me take the children. so i was in an apartment 5 minutes from the house and i ended up going back and forth to the house every morning to get the kids up and dressed and off to school/daycare because H had to leave so early. it was a mess. he couldn't handle picking up all 3 children from various sitters/daycare, fixing dinner, homework, laundry, cleaning up, baths, bedtime stories all by himself. those are the minimum things we moms do every single day!
H lasted all of 4-1/2 weeks before he caved and called me to move back in with the children and he moved out! of course, H met another woman the first night after we separated and then moved in with her and her 3 children! talk about going from the frying pan to the fire!
whatever.... everyone ended up happy, healthy and fine, including H! so there is hope after the emotional turmoil.
good luck,
gurl