I'm I over reacting.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
I'm I over reacting.........
6
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 1:13pm
I just got off the phone with OM and I don't know if I should be upset or just let it go...I have a wedding to go to this weekend, I invited OM to go with but his son is pretty sick right now so he called me to let me know that most likely he wouldn't be able to make it, which I'm fine with! He asked me who I was going to go with since he couldn't make it, I said that I would just go with my brother and his friends since all of them are standing up in the wedding! Now OM knows that 1 of my brother's friends likes me, this friend happened to email me yesterday asking me if I was going to go to the wedding b/c he really wanted to see me!! OM asked me if this guy was going to be there? I said yes & told OM that this person had emailed me asking me if I was going to show up! OM responses by saying "oh you better watch out b/c he is going to try to pick you up" and I said and "oh and that doesn't bother you"? He said "it's all good,do what you have to do"! I said what do you mean by that and he said "just what it means it's all good!! Every now and then when I talk to him about other guys he throws those words at me, to me it's like he don't give 2 sh*** on what I do & it gets me very upset! I feel he doesn't love me the way he claims he does! I have told him what I think when he says that and he claims he does care and wouldn't like me to go with someone else he just doesn't know what else to say since we don't have that girl/boy friend type of R!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 1:20pm

hi destiny!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 1:31pm
This is just my opinion but it sounds to me like he is a bit jealous and doesn't know how to handle it because of your status/non-status. Speaking from experience it sounds like he does care but doesn't want to show it. I do the same thing with my MM. I tell him I wouldn't care if he were with someone else because we are "supposedly" just FWB but I honestly would be a little hurt if he were with someone else. Though I always find myself making comments to him about being with other women and it being fine with me...even though it wouldn't be. I guess it is my way to try not to sound jealous. I think I can relate to your OM! Don't stress out about it, he is just trying to be "tough guy". I'll bet if you hooked up with your brother's friend, or even told him you did he'd be hurt (whether he showed it or not).
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 1:46pm
Dear Destiny, why tell him about the interest of the other guy to start with? Honey -- take it from someone old, not any smarter, but maybe a little more battered and a slower learner -- how much jealousy he displays is a really poor measure of what he feels for you. Some guys display jealousy for no reason -- they may be insecure or territorial or whatever. Some guys never display jealousy because it's a pride thing. Maybe he's being flip and casual about it because he doesn't want to feel like you are playing games or manipulating him (don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that's what you mean to do -- just that it may be his impression). It's really difficult, but I keep reminding my self that this is EXTRA happiness, not something I'm necessarily entitled to. And just like I protect my H from OM, I protect OM from any relationship (however innocent) that I have beyond him. And, BTW, I expect the same from both of them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 1:48pm
There is no such as over reacting - LOL - if you feel upset then that is normal. I wouldn't read too much in him saying "just what it means it's all good!!". Its good to give each other space when it comes to dating and you having fun with friends when he is not there to spend it with you. I would appreciate it because I would want to be a clinging vine on my OM if he goes out on a date or something. It is sad that somtimes you have to grin and bear it for the sake of the other person - but that is the nature of this R. This is not a exclusive relationship as he said himself. Now, if you did seriously go after this friend of your brother's - he reaction will be very very different - I can assure you of that - LOL. Good Luck and enjoy the wedding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 2:18pm
Completely agree with what karenca said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 4:58pm
With H I was never a jealous person what so ever, with OM I do tend to get jealous why you ask, beats the crap out of me!! (still trying to figure it out) Maybe b/c no one knows about our R! Anyways Ladies you do have a point, I shouldn't let those 3 words bother me b/c he is the one that looks for me when I get home or early the next day when I go out!!! He's always the one looking for me, if he really didn't care he wouldn't be calling.....