I'm an idiot! He's blowing me off...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
I'm an idiot! He's blowing me off...
5
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 7:03pm
I am not sure why I am getting bent out of shape for a MM... (and we're both married, actually).

And I'm not sure if I can classify our relationship as an A, however, the truth of the matter is that he had kept the email/phone call connection with me for nearly 4 years. Last week he called me to tell me he'd be in town next week and if we could get together.

Now that I have emailed him that, "yes, I'll be around, let me know when you want to get together." He doesn't respond to my email. It is as if he threw the bone out there to see if I'd go for it, and since I said, "yes" that the thrill of the chase is over.

If I email him on non-flirtatious related items (like work, career goals, etc.) he seems to write back write away. I just don't get it! I guess it is hard for anyone here to help me sort this out without knowing the whole story, but i have posted it a few times. I'll spare you the details again... Still, just weird. Weird that a) He'd keep the contact with me from 3,000 miles away and b) that he has allowed it to go on for this long and c) that he called me to tell me he'd be in town, and now it seems like he will completely diss me...

Men.

Your thoughts, please!!!! :(

Avatar for rainbowbrite_14
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 9:10am
I think I can help a little. For the past 3 months I have been talking/emailing with a co-worker who lives 3000 miles away as well. At this point I have decided nothing will EVER come of this so I rarely call him as it is a waste of time. Anyway, we were supossed to meet about a month ago. He was flying in and I had arranged to spend the weekend with him. He emailed me his flight and hotel confirmation, teased me with totally spoiling me. Then a week before we are to meet he cancels. I think me being 3000 miles away makes it exciting to flirt but, not too real. I think it got way to real for him. I doubt he will ever make an advance further than the occasional phone call. So, it sounds like your guy is the same way. Planning is way to uncomfortable for him. I bet if you just happened to show up at his hotel he might go for it! Good luck!

Rainbow
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 5:06pm
thanks Rainbow...

It definitely feels like the minute it gets close to being a reality he freaks out or something, and makes a decision to just ignore me. I'm not going to harp on it. I'm really not wanting to have an affair, just excited at the attention that he pays me.

It's just really obvious at the emails he chooses to respond to and the ones he doesn't.. I bet if I wrote him now with a job question, he would write back in a heartbeat to help me out. So funny how men are!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 10:42pm


Hi Rhonda....

Many interesting post on the board today. One conclusion I have reached is that we as women over analyze things....LOL. It must be in our blood. Here's a perspective, why put the ball in his court? I am all about being fairly direct in a tactful way. Email him and ask him point blank if you are getting together next week and that you would appreciate a response. If he doesn't respond, I would have no contact and let him make the first move and be the one to contact you. When he does, I would ask him what happened. Hold him accountable.


It has taken me about 5 yrs to realize that even though my MM and I go through long periods of not talking ( we live about 12hrs from each other) and a few weeks of not emailing, I know he is still there for me and the friendship is there to. I had to ask him point blank if it was still there...he assured me it was. Now technically I am not having an A physically but one of the heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 1:44pm
omawxgirl ,

An affair of the heart - I guess that is what I have too. Gee, calling it that kind of softens it a little and doesn't make it sound so bad, but you are totally right on all counts!

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 1:53pm
I would definitely put the ball in his court. Don't act too eager, just ask if you're getting together, and see what his response is. Are you OK with it just being a long distance friendship-type thing? If so, then keep e-mailing him as usual. If not, then I would stop the e-mails and calls and see what he does. Let him make the next move.