I'm a mess
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I'm a mess
| Thu, 08-26-2010 - 7:26pm |
I really don't know what to do. I am an emotional mess. I have been with my AP for 6 months, 6 of the best months I can ever remember. Also, 6 of the worst. I am head over heels in love with my AP. I'm not in the fog. We have been close for years and a kiss 6 months ago turned into the most amazing relationship we've both experienced. We are both married. We work together. Our SO's are friends b/c of us. Our SO's trust our R, to a point where they are both happy when we travel together b/c they know we will have a good time and they trust us. It's so f'd up. I am day by day more unhappy in my M. My AP is not unhappy but not as happy as he is with me. He's not ready to leave his M, don't know if he ever will be. I don't know if I can start over with out him. I feel like a complete emotional mess. He tells me he feels the same, and I believe him. We are just in different situations. He's been married 10 yrs. I've been married 3. He and his W do not fight at all, they have no 'issues'. She loves him more than anything. I feel like I need to be committed. I don't know what to do, seriously. I am a total basket case. I'm a mess mostly b/c we are trying to end it b/c we feel like we owe it to our SO's, but realizing that we can't really ever end it b/c the feelings won't go away. He told me today that he knows he will love me for the rest of his life. I believe it b/c I feel the same way about him. What am I going to do? How do I make it through this?

I wish I knew what to tell you figuring....
I fell head over heels in love with my AP too, we'd both been M appr. 25 years at that point. I was not in a fog either...so I came clean with my H, he left me...and AP and I are still together (3 years later). My H and I never fought, he and his W live like frenemies...they are quite cold with each other and he's told me that she admitted to him (two years in to their M) that she'd made a mistake marrying him, and that she didn't love him.
But guess what? He's not leaving her. So now here I am, lonelier than I've ever been in my life and dealing with some major depression issues. I'm usually a mess too.
Sorry, I know that probably doesn't help...but it is the reality.
Good luck,
benska
....All I know is tomorrow is my 3 yr anniversary with my H and I should feel guilty about my thoughts and feelings, but I