I'm new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
I'm new here
5
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 8:12pm
Hello..I'm fairly new to this board. (I'm so glad to see others are facing the same feelings I am) I have been involved with a MM in an A for about 7 mos..I am married w/2 small children. I am beginnig to feel very emotionally attached to him, although, we both understand the ground rules. I think because I am becoming so attahced to him this is bothering me so much. I was saw MM yesterday for an "oil change" (wink, wink) he called today to tell me that his W wanted him yesterday too..and he of course, did the right thing. Just wondering..if your MM share with you when they are with thier W and does anyone else have a problem knowing that MM was with you and W on the same day??
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 10:47pm
Our #1 ground rule, no discussions regarding our family, unless it's necessary information. We got all the info we needed regarding each other's spouse/children up front and haven't discussed it since. I want to know that when he's with me, he with me. I don't want there to be room for thoughts about them when we're together. Important day-to day information has been, "I have to go out of town for a funeral - his family". Important for him to understand to not call me for a few days, until I'm back in town because I don't want in-laws asking who keeps calling. As far as knowing when or if they've been together - I don't want to know that, and he's never told me. As far as I know, they haven't been together since we've met.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:12am
I am friends with my MM's W, and she just loves to let me know when they have fooled around. Thankfully, it's maybe once every 4 to 6 weeks. Which was basically the same for me and my H, which is why the A started. The only time I had a really hard time with it was when she told me about him asking for it from her. He kept up appearances for a while, but now, she tells me that he has backed off asking so much, and that she is grateful! Gee, wonder why? So, it is rough, but thankfully, he never lets me know, and I try (not easy) to let it slide when she tells me.

The closest it ever happened for me and H and me and MM had been longer than 12 hours, which MM never knew about, but bothered me a bit. As for MM and W, 4 hours after him and I had been together, she asked him for it and there was no way he could say no, as she offers it so few and far between, and knowing how horney he always is, would have been suspicious if he had said no. Of course, I had to deal with her telling me about it, and then when I did speak to him later that day, I was fine and just asked him if he had at least had a chance to wash up first. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 6:30am
His response to me was that he had gotten what he wanted ealier in the day, and was not the one looking for it. He doesn't want her to question anything by telling her NO. He did say he at least got to take a shower in between! I don't know why it's bothering me so much, but, it just is!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 10:11am
My MM does'nt tell things like that, though i know it happens. I try not to think about it too much. I don't want to know that he could be doing the same things with her that he has done with me, it would eat me up, so i jsut think of our time together and wait to see him again, and have my special time with him

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 2:17pm
I have been involved in an Affair for over a year now and I believe in not sharing that kind of detail with each other. I know they have sex, and have wondered if it had ever been the same day or weekend or what, but I don't really want to know, so I don't ask! (like the military!) Heck, I can hardly bare to hear him say her name! I understand why it bothers you.... if he keeps doing it, I think it is okay for you to ask him not to share that info... of course that might be a tip off that you are feeling emotional.