i'm new here and need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
i'm new here and need advice
5
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 12:08am
well, straight to the point. i have a great husband, career, kids, house, friends---more than anyone could ask for. i've been married ten years and have a very lack luster sex life with my husband. he's a wonderful husband and father that i would never leave but my sexual appatite is highly unfulfilled by him. i know what the therapist and experts say about repairing relationships and lack of intimacy but i don't feel like this applies to me. I have made many attempts to get our sex life where i want it to no avail. I have been approached by a good handsome family friend over the years of my marriage about his sexual attraction to me and i am about ready to take him up on his offer. is this terrible? i don't feel too guilty thinking about the distinct possibility that this could easily happen. i even think that i could seperate it from my day to day life. is it possible to have an affair with someone you trust just for some great hot sex and still be a good spouse? please give me your honest opinions because i will not permanently doom my marrige but this urge is taking up alot of my thoughts and is getting too hard to resist. thanks ahead of time! i'd really like to hear some real experiences similar to mine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 12:48am

Hi yogagirl and welcome aboard,


From personal experience... yes! I think it can happen... but both parties have to accept that the relationship is an EMA and the limitations that come with that.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 2:54am
Hi sweetc69!

"when one wants more than another can give... it's time to reasses..."



"...when you are happy, then all the people around you also will be happy."

- Just wanted to tell you that what you said really is right... You're a big help!

KISSES!

hazel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 6:42am
Hi Yoga,

The community leader is right...you have to way your risks. Let me ask, how do you know this family friend will be able to fulfill what you need? I guess that is what you want to find out. Just keep in mind, while A's CAN seem romantic, fulfilling and all, especially from some of the experiences of others, it might have an adverse affect on you. The possibility is there that the "encounter" won't be that great AND you put your marriage at risk. But if you feel the urge to go ahead and get involved with the family friend, without the guarantee that it will be a positive experience for you, then that means you just want a change and the issue may not be that your husband is really that unfulfilling...just that you want something different. The possibility of getting caught or found out is always there. While some people get caught but end up keeping their marrirage, you may not be so lucky and it sounds like you potentially have a lot to loose. You mention experts and therapists, but have you actually consulted with one. In addition to this board, there are other boards on ivillage that you may want to consider visiting, if you have not already done so. This way you will know you did not just make some attempts to improve things before having an A, but that you tried EVERYTHING. Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 9:24am
Hi Yoga,

I entered into an EMA for the excitement and the sex, even though sex with my H is great. I had only ever been with my H and curiousity got the better of me. At first, when the affair was emotional, it was great. He made me feel so good. The flirting and the sexy e-mails filled a void in my life. I in turn was a happier person and life for my H and kids was better than ever. I even stopped having road rage lol! Then the sex started and it was not good. Then SG ran like the wind. He has treated me very badly since out of embarrassment I think. Anyway, I am miserable now. Life for my H and kids isn't so pleasant. Watch out for someone that cuts me off in traffic lol! All jokes aside, life was way better for everyone before this all happened. Life was level before, now it's just up and down. My H did sort of find out about some things and now watches me like a hawk. That is driving me way crazy. So I gained the experience of being with another man and that is all. I've lost so many happy days. If the sex with SG had been good and if he hadn't ran, if he was still the flirty guy he was at the beginning, I would probably still be enjoying my EMA, but that is alot of ifs. You don't have a crystal ball and you don't know how it all will turn out for you. If you think you can bring better sex into your marriage in any way, please put your energy towards that instead of this other man. Just my thoughts, C
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 10:11am
You know...in my time here on this list I've come to a major conclusion. There are people who can handle EMAs and people who can't and varying shades in between. It is a very difficult world to be in, living two separate lives. You think you have control over your emotions but then you find yourself falling in love and wanting to be with the person. And you never know what the other person is thinking because, in addition to the usual commitment/intimacy issues that come up every time a man and woman falls in love we have the complication of guilt and fear of being caught. I honestly wouldn't recommend this life to anyone but I think once the initial idea has been planted, for most people it's already too late. Are you strong enough to resist the adventure? I'll bet not...