I'm new here, question about going NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2010
I'm new here, question about going NC
5
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 2:39pm

Hi All,

I'm new here and am so glad to have found this place. Everyone seems so supportive and it's great to see.

Anyway, A little background:
I have been involved with my AP on and off for about a year. It began as an EA. We really started off as friends with no intentions of anything else, it was very innocent... and well, over time, we became emotionally attached and things progressed...he admitted to me first that he was becoming emotionally attached to me. We decided to meet for coffee and were immediately drawn to each other physically and emotionally, the sparks were flying! It quickly became a PA.
Things didn't last too long before his W found an email, and that was that. With all the drama, I had to abruptly break things off. He agreed. We went awhile with NC.
We could not do the NC for very long and ended up emailing/texting, etc and sure enough, the W found out again and the drama began.

After talking about what to do, we both decided, that the best thing for us would be to go NC for a few months
in order to take a break and get our lives in order. I told him that I was planning on a D from my H (which will happen) and he with his W. After this happened, then we would try to reconnect again and see what happens.

Ok, at the time, I thought that seemed logical and it made sense. I agreed to it after all.
Now, I'm beginning to question if that was the right decision.
How, after months of NC, can we just pick up where we let off?
In order to have a relationship with anyone, isn't It necessary to communicate? Or at least talk?

It's been almost 2 months now with NC (longest it's been) and I wonder all the time if this is just a lost cause.

Has anyone else gone NC for that long and have had a positive outcome?
Was this the right thing to do?
He was really the one to initiate this and I ended up agreeing... But after all this time has passed I'm wondering if that was just his way of getting rid of me.

I'd like to believe that this was the right thing to do, but I'm really feeling conflicted, not to mention frustrated from the lack of ANY contact.

Any input would be appreciated.




Edited 8/4/2010 2:42 pm ET by lady_035
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 2:46pm

I feel for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 2:53pm
Usually, NC mean breaking up !
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 3:28pm

Hi Lady,


If your getting a D from H I hope your doing it for you and no one else. I think it was a good idea to be apart during this time to take care of loose ends like your divorce, to clear your head and to heal yourself from the things you have going on in your life right now. In the future if you both get in contact you don't have to rush

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 8:10pm

It's easy to pick up after nc for months. Think about an old friend from HS.

You are lucky that you had some sort of agreement. As it stands now with my AP, I don't know if he will ever come back to me or not. He trying to figure that out. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 1:42am
whatever questions u have, only he can answer for u. how long is the n/c for? it's probably a relief for him and you somewhat but also frustrating as well. i don't know what else to say. maybe give him a call (i am hating email....) and let him know that u r thinking about him, hoping he is doing well, and are wondering how stuff is progressing on his end. the n/c can be broken right? it's not like u r going to be fined, right? ;) take good care & good luck with it all.
when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal