I'm the Other Woman...Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
I'm the Other Woman...Need Advice
2
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 1:04am
I'm new to this site and this whole situation, and I'm hoping for some help from you....even though deep down I really know all the answers to my questions.

I wouldn't say that my situation is bad right now, and it has not gotten out of control or to the point of some other individual's that I have read about.

I'm 26 years old and have always struggled to find the right guy for me. Imagine how excited I was when I finally met the man of my dreams who is everything that I have ever looked for. My heart sank when he told me he was married. Of course, it would be my luck to find the perfect man for me and he would already be taken.

I tried to put him out of my mind and just forget about it because I knew it could never be. I'm open with my thoughts and feelings however and vocalized to him that I was very attracted to him physically and enjoyed hanging out with him. (I am a model and he is one of my photographers, and we work really well together and both want to continue to work together).

He was actually very flattered and grateful to know that I liked him and was so attracted to him. He then went on to tell me that he had been having the exact same feelings about me. I was shocked! I never imagined he would say that, but it actually made me so happy to know that.

We left the conversation at that....both acknowledging that we were attracted to one another, but he was married and therefore we could not pursue any type of relationship...which I completely understood. It was such a weird feeling for me because this is my first time ever being attracted to and having strong feelings for a married man that I am close to. I don't know what I am allowed to say or do and what I'm not. I was so scared of doing something innappropriate.

Well, we had another shoot last Friday. Things went well, we got great shots, and we had a blast hanging out together as usual. I was shocked when at the end of the day he made a comment about wanting to just give me a small kiss and asking if that was ok. I didn't know what to do! Inside I knew it would be wrong but I also wanted to so badly....So I told him that it was his call. And he did... We did nothing but kiss, but it did end up being more than just that one small one. It wasn't like a heavy makeout session, but we shared some passionate kisses that day before I left. And he ended up basically kicking me out for the day because he was afraid that he was becoming too tempted to go further.

I never thought I would be the type of person who would end up being the "other woman"...part of me even wants to take it further and have sex with him, and I know that he is conflicted on what he wants to do. I don't understand why I am doing this and even considering taking the affair further when I know that it is so wrong!

I know that he will never leave his wife. I know that I won't even be able to see him outside of our working relationship. It's not like I would be his "girlfriend" or anything. There won't be any gifts or time away together or anything to make it an actual relationship.

I guess what I am wanting help on is how to handle this situation. Is it ok to just keep kissing, even if we don't do anything else? It seems innocent enough, but I'm not sure if it really is. And I'm scared because I am developing such strong feelings for him, I know that I'll probably be the one hurt in the end. But he is a great photographer and I really want to keep working with him. What should I do??? And is what I've done already really wrong?? Should I be ashamed or is he the one that should call the shots as to what he does and doesn't want to do? I need help deciding if this is my fault, if I need to feel guilty (right now I don't), and if I should stop it or wait for him to...

I'd appreciate any support or advice. Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 9:49am
You know the answers to your questions.

You are equaly responsable for your part of this.

It will not stop he is not conflicted it is going were he wants it to.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 10:18am