I'm sad today

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
I'm sad today
5
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 4:35pm
Hi, all...I've been brave through this...but for some reason today I miss OM more than ever. It's been 16 days since I've seen, talked, or emailed him. I know that this too shall pass. And keeping on the NC is the best for us both.

I really want him to be happy. I just miss our great conversation, and how we made each other laugh over silly stuff. It was so EASY to be with him.

My H and I are doing wonderfully. Things really are different still, and in him I've found a new best friend. But it never replaces the one you lost, you know. I know that my M is going to work. Just having a rough day. Keep me in your thoughts please and if you like, I'll take a prayer or two...

Thanks for listening...

BK

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 4:59pm
You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight, Kitty.

((((Hugs))))

I'm so glad to hear that you and hubby are doing well.

Stay strong.

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 5:45pm
Thanks Red! Today at work someone asked me why I haven't been talking to my friend that makes me laugh all the time. I almost cried.

But I know that if I call OM, he'll be short with me. Not because he doesn't care about me, but BECAUSE HE DOES!! He can't handle just being friends, and I know that deep down, I can't either. If we do the "friendship" thing again, we'll go back to the way it was. And I can't go back there. I know he can't either, for his own sanity. He wants a woman he can talk about, brag about, and show to people. Not someone like me that he has to lie about, hide, and pretend he doesn't care when we're out together.

I love OM, and but in my heart of hearts, I know we probably wouldn't last. I try not to romanticize it. I really want to face reality. Reality...he's 19 yrs older than me. Reality...he never wants children. Reality...we would never "build" our life. I would just implant myself into his built life.

I know that may sound trite to some. But as much as I cared for OM, he was adamant about not wanting children, and I want them. And the age difference, even though it shouldn't matter, and when we're just talking it doesn't, but when I'm watching MTV he's rolling his eyes...LOL And he's built his life. Bought his beautiful home...and it would forever be "his" not "ours". That may seem so silly to the observer, but that's things I think about. And eventually those little nuances would begin to eat away at us.

I guess I'm trying to talk myself down. Because just sitting here remembering the good times, I have to make myself remember everything or I'll go crazy.

We're better off this way, but regardless, I still miss him and our great conversation. How we connected so beautifully...oh well. It's nice/painful to have these memories that are so precious to me...

BK

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 5:49pm
Sorry, Kitty, I cannot offer you my prayers since I am not religious - even though I often wish I were - but you can count on my cyber shoulder.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 9:29am
Boston, Thank you so much for your cyber shoulder!! Your responses have meant so much to me over the course of my A and after. Thank you for always being so honest and forthright. And thank you for understanding...

I cried in the shower this morning over OM. I know he's probably so lonely. I hate that. I mean don't get me wrong, he's got plenty of friends, but it's always hard to lose someone you love. But the sad part is, if I saw him, and he was happy, that would hurt me worse...

That's why I need to stay away from him. Because it'll drive me crazy inside...

O BOSTON!!! I'm so ready for this to end...thanks again for listening to me moan...

BK

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 9:49am
Not that it's going to make you feel better, hon, but he is anything but happy, take my word for it.

Keep working on your marriage and stay strong. I know it sounds trite but with time it will get easier - both for you and him.