I'm torn...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
I'm torn...
42
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 11:43am
I've been married for 7 years and have a 4 year old and another child on the way. I know I will appear to be the villian in what I describe and I understand that. But in the last 6 weeks I have fallen for an online friend I've known for 3 years. She is an honest, caring person and neither of us intended for this to happen. My marriage isn't a violent or even a terribly angry one, but I haven't been happy for years. My wife has been nonresponsive and detached for a long time and unfortunately we never did anything to resolve this. My dilemma now is the other woman and I are in love (believe me, I'm not an impetuous person who just falls in love) and want to be together. I've told my wife about the affair (I don't even like calling it that) and while she was devastated, she wants to try to make it work. I still love my wife, but not in the way I need to. Part of me wants to give her what I feel she deserves and that is an honest effort. And on top of that, I love my son with all my heart and have difficulty imagining living without him everyday. On the other side, I see in this other person the potential for the kind of long-lasting, fulfilling relationship I feel I deserve. I know some of you may say I should give my marriage a chance and if it is meant to be with the other woman, it will be. But I don't believe in meant to be. And I guess I don't want to stay in my marriage out of fear and guilt, which is what I think I would be doing. And I'm also scared I may resent my wife for causing me to miss out on the opportunity to be with the other person. I know I sound completely selfish but I'm seriously on the verge of leaving my wife. The other woman and I can't be together full time right now (although she's not married, she does live some distance away). I would really like to just try separating with my wife but she isn't willing to do this. It is all or nothing for her and I guess that is her right. Any and all advice would be appreciated.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: omahamm
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 10:13pm
Hi Boston, while you're at it, can you give us an update? I can't get through via email on your profile. Inquiring minds, and all that... I remember your story, and am wondering how you are.

Kari

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: omahamm
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 11:45pm
A lot has changed and things are starting to look much more promising. Can't say more at present - afraid to jinx it, I guess, and there is still a long way to go. I sure did enough rambling and complaining here to the point of being ashamed of myself, but heck, I was feeling really crappy at that time and even though it still can't justify my whining it can at least explain it. Soooo, no more bellyaching on this board, I promise, but I will certainly drop in from time to time. I will give an update when there is more to tell.

Thanks for asking!

Pages