I'm trying hard to stay out of.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I'm trying hard to stay out of.......
1
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:38am
MM's decision on where to live, once he moves out. He is showing such a lack of enthusiasm. He promised me, and told W, that he would be out by October 1. He only went to look at 2 apartments the whole weekend.

The last time he seperated from W, he moved 2 blocks from their house. That was major problems for our relationship. It's hard to explain, but it was like he still lived there. He did her yard, still had a key to her house, did all the repairs, washed her truck, and did all the repairs to her vehicle. He lived to close. Well, now, he's looking about 1 mile from their house. The metropolitan area we live in, is too BIG!!!! for him not to find something a littl farther from where his W and DD will be living.

I know this is his decision, but it seems as though he doesn't really want to do this (I mean seperate, and D). Why is he going through the motions, if this is not what he really wants to do. I just know the problems living close by his W and DD caused the last time he seperated, and I really don't want to go down that road again.

Do I tell MM, what's on my mind? Or, do I just stay completely out of it? Where he wants to live should be up to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:58am
Were you two good friends before the A? I was trying to put myself in your shoes. I understand not giving input as to where to live...I wouldn't do that, either, and my OM isn't doing that to me as I discuss my options. But what he *does* do that I find helpful is to play devil's advocate, be a sounding board. You could try to say, "Last time you lived that close, you didn't really have a chance to experience the separation for what it really is. Have you considered the possibility that moving to the other side of town might be a better test of whether you want out of this marriage?" You may have to emphasize that you've taken off the 'lover hat' and have put on the 'friend hat' and were just trying to help him think this through.

Worth a try??

Lucky