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|Wed, 07-18-2012 - 1:20pm|
Hi, I'm new. MW with one child. I'm not really sure if this place can be a help at all. I'm not looking for "should I" or "shouldn't I" advice. My M is fine. We are best friends. I found out soon after we married that he is/has been/will always be hung up on the "one who got away" (she has no interest). I had a broken heart for a while, but something has walled up inside of me, and I just feel ambivalent. I have no interest in leaving and D is not an option. I am not unhappy or mistreated. For a long time, I just sort of busied myself with work/children/friends. Then this MM entered the picture. The weird thing is that I have never spoken to him. But he is literally everywhere I go. We work for the same company (different departments), go to the same gym, have tons of mutual friends, and we just are contsantly in the same place. I noticed him watching me one day when working out. There was a definite eye f*** going on. Since that day, I see him watching me out of the corner of his eye and smiling shyly at me when we pass. Avoiding looking at me when his W is around even when our kids are playing together and it would be natural to have a conversation. I tested my theory about him one day by mentioning in front of him to a coworker that I was headed to the gym (at a time I usually don't go). Twenty minutes later he showed up and got on the treadmill next to me. We both are active members of churches (I go because my H is religious, not because of my own convictions) in our small town and work in pretty well-known positions in the community. There isn't really much of a chance of anything big happening between us. But when he keeps showing up, I just can't seem to get him out of my head. I try to make myself forget him, and then he just shows up. It is just lust; I'm not interested in conversation or deep connections. But I want him so much that my body is on the edge all the time, and I am distracted from doing anything productive in my life.
Anyway, the whole point is probably moot since everything is completely circumstantial. I'm not one who feels guilt and lets it eat me up. I'm not worried about that. Before marriage, monogamy was never my strong suit. I am just trying to find someone to tell about this before I explode from keeping it all inside.