Indecisive H

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2012
Indecisive H
4
Sat, 10-20-2012 - 12:22am

H said he wanted a D and a year later, I told him I agreed.  So why is it that he's now avoiding the topic?  I swear to all that is holy that if he even thinks about saying he doesn't want one anymore, I'm going to flip out.  The idea of staying with him ...there is no even thinking about it.  I don't want it.  I want my own place.  I want him as a minimal part of my life.  I want to find a place to live but he won't even discuss the budget with me.  I almost WANT a D day just so he'll get so pissed that he'll move things on and be done with me.

And in Cowboy developments - the one big elephant in the room that we've both been ignoring is the fact that I have at least 7 more years of parenting.  No big deal but he has repeatedly said how he is done with kids and just wants a break.  He's raised kids and now his W has grandkids hanging around the house so he's at his wit's end.  I quietly listen to his rants and I get it, I really do.  I haven't pointed out that I have kids and I'm a package deal but I figured it would come up eventually.  Today we were sitting there enjoying each other's company when he said in his slow thoughtful drawl, "And another thing, I just wanted to make sure that you know that I want you to always feel comfortable having your kids around me.  I don't want you to think I don't want them around.  They can come around any time you want them to."  I may have looked at him a little slack jawed because it really did shock the hell out of me.  First, he realized on his own that they're part of the package.  Second, we weren't talking about anything remotely on that topic so he brought it up on his own completely.  And finally, holy crap, Mr. "I am tired of damn kids" actually told me he wouldn't mind MY kids after all of the good, bad and ugly stories I've told about them?  I'm not sure *I* would want my kids around after those stories.  I just sat there for a bit, soaking it in before I asked if he was serious hehe.  If he said it to make me love him even more, it worked.  

We're planning another weekend away in January unless I get a place of my own before then.  There's a training weekend that would be the perfect cover and let us be gone Thursday-Sunday.  

I'm having SO much fun with him.  It's so comfortable but full of wonderful surprises.  It's incredible to have someone want me as much as I want him.  It's a hunger that grows with such little effort. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 10-20-2012 - 12:48pm

Why don't you actually take some steps to initiate the divorce, like consulting an atty & presenting your DH w/ a proposal?  What do you think he'd do if you did that?  If someone says that he wants a divorce, yet a year later hasn't taken any steps & won't talk about it, I'd bet that he wasn't that serious.  My exH always said he was going to get a divorce every time we had an argument so obviously I didn't take it seriously, but when I told him that I had decided to get divorced, he knew I was serious cause I wasn't saying it all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 8:31am

We're planning another weekend away in January unless I get a place of my own before then.  There's a training weekend that would be the perfect cover and let us be gone Thursday-Sunday.  

I'm having SO much fun with him.  It's so comfortable but full of wonderful surprises.  It's incredible to have someone want me as much as I want him.  It's a hunger that grows with such little effort''

Smile.. OMG, I'm jealous, almost.  Every word above screams 'new besotted infatuated in-love-ness'.... Beautiful. I'd say 'remember, this stage doesn't last' but you won't hear me, will you??  Can I ask, how long have you and Cowboy been together..?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2012
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 10:18am
I talked to him again on Sunday. I was right. He is hesitant. We talked it out and he's going to get me a budget by the end of the month. Then we're going to refinance the house, pay off the credit cards and I'll be out by the new year. He doesn't want to stay married but also doesn't want to face the fall out from a divorce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2012
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 10:56am
We first met years ago but didn't start working together until '08. I started working with him regularly in '10 and early '11 I started working solo with him. That's when he started really talking to me. We decided to become more than friends in August. So the closeness was already there. The electricity in the touch is new ;) I don't think that will stay new forever but there has always been something different about him. I've always been drawn to him.