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|Sat, 10-20-2012 - 12:22am|
H said he wanted a D and a year later, I told him I agreed. So why is it that he's now avoiding the topic? I swear to all that is holy that if he even thinks about saying he doesn't want one anymore, I'm going to flip out. The idea of staying with him ...there is no even thinking about it. I don't want it. I want my own place. I want him as a minimal part of my life. I want to find a place to live but he won't even discuss the budget with me. I almost WANT a D day just so he'll get so pissed that he'll move things on and be done with me.
And in Cowboy developments - the one big elephant in the room that we've both been ignoring is the fact that I have at least 7 more years of parenting. No big deal but he has repeatedly said how he is done with kids and just wants a break. He's raised kids and now his W has grandkids hanging around the house so he's at his wit's end. I quietly listen to his rants and I get it, I really do. I haven't pointed out that I have kids and I'm a package deal but I figured it would come up eventually. Today we were sitting there enjoying each other's company when he said in his slow thoughtful drawl, "And another thing, I just wanted to make sure that you know that I want you to always feel comfortable having your kids around me. I don't want you to think I don't want them around. They can come around any time you want them to." I may have looked at him a little slack jawed because it really did shock the hell out of me. First, he realized on his own that they're part of the package. Second, we weren't talking about anything remotely on that topic so he brought it up on his own completely. And finally, holy crap, Mr. "I am tired of damn kids" actually told me he wouldn't mind MY kids after all of the good, bad and ugly stories I've told about them? I'm not sure *I* would want my kids around after those stories. I just sat there for a bit, soaking it in before I asked if he was serious hehe. If he said it to make me love him even more, it worked.
We're planning another weekend away in January unless I get a place of my own before then. There's a training weekend that would be the perfect cover and let us be gone Thursday-Sunday.
I'm having SO much fun with him. It's so comfortable but full of wonderful surprises. It's incredible to have someone want me as much as I want him. It's a hunger that grows with such little effort.