Insight Needed Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2008
Insight Needed Please
5
Sat, 07-11-2009 - 12:46pm

Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 07-12-2009 - 12:11pm
I think any intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex outside of your marriage is an affair, so Yes, I think you are having an affair, and the reasons why you are having this affair really don't matter at all. I think it's a dangerous thing to have an A with your boss, but you are in it now. BUT, it sounds to me like rather than punishing your h for his bad deeds, you are punishing yourself. You offer this other man all your "naughtiness" with the oral sex and pics of touching yourself and all that, but what do you really get out of it? Is he pleasuring you, too? How can any of this be revenge when your h doesn't even know about it? What do you suppose would happen if your h found out? What if others found out? What if you lose your job because of it? I'm not judging you, there is no room for that here. I'm just trying to understand how this A benefits you. Because you asked, I'm betting this affair will continue, probably in it's comfortable off and on manner. It doesn't matter what kind of affair it is, although it's physical because it's a physical relationship. and it's emotional because of the intimate conversation, doesn't have to be romantic to be emotional. He fills an emotional need for you. I'm glad you are in therapy, this stuff is tough to navigate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
Mon, 07-13-2009 - 3:48pm

If you and your AP are getting what you want out of each other without the drama, then why ask why? It's like being each other's blown-up doll. Take it out of the closet, use it, then put it back. The problems I see in this set-up is the fact that you're both M(?) and there are people who will get hurt if this stuff comes to light. It is all very dangerous. A lot of unsavory consequences could happen, especially that he is your boss. I hope he owns the business or else both of you could be looking at unemployment if this stuff leaks out.

I don't understand why you can't ask him questions about what the two of you is doing. I think that if you trade bodily fluid with someone, you should be able to asks them all kinds of questions. I would definitely put a stop to sending him compromising pics though. You don't really know someone well enough to trusts them with something so incriminating like that

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 4:36am

wow, i am not going to comment on your a, as i truly don't


have an opinion or any advice. the insight i would like to add


is to comment on your h's ptsd. i also have ptsd, recently


diagnosed due to workplace abuses and i am still working


through that. the effects i am currently dealing with are


zero trust and

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 4:46am

...a quick note about what ptsd may feel like, from a woman's


perspective. for me, it is an emotional equivelent of a rape victim.


you feel totally powerless, unable to stop the action,


no one will help you

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2008
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 11:54am
Will respond to the other posts later, but Survivor362, it was me diagnosed with PTSD, not my H. I appreciate your response, though.