An interesting situation
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 02-05-2010 - 3:04am |
I am really not sure how to start this, I have never joined a site like this to vent or to ask other women's opinions, but I really feel in the dark right now and am seeking advice from outsiders. I suppose I should first explain my background a little. I am 18 years old, but mentally I feel and have always felt that I am much older and am convinced that I was simply born in the wrong time. I have not been in many relationships (really only one), mostly because of my uniqueness, I don't believe a young man could handle me; or understand me. I am very close with my mother, who I still live with, but don't feel at all comfortable talking to her about this particular topic.
Here is my current situation. I graduated from high school when I was 16 and began attending college at 17. I withdrew from school just last month because of illness that has not yet been diagnosed. For the most part I feel okay, but have just been missing too many classes and figure that I should get my health where it needs to be before I go back. I am an artist and I was an art student. Over the past couple of years I have devoted much time to study and being involved in my classes. I don't have much of a social life, my friends from high school have moved and are also going to school in different areas.
Last year I met a professor, my english professor, who has been an interesting part of my life. We have a very special relationship and a natural kind of understanding for one another; a very strong mental connection. We have spent a reasonable amount of time with each other in school over the past two years. He has taught me many things, including things about myself and my own strengths in my art and expression. We have many things in common, interest-wise and personality-wise. In a way I would say that we are perfectly matched, but in the wrong situation and under the wrong circumstances. We know how we feel about each other without having to discuss it, the discussion is in our eyes and in little things we say or do. I actually care for him very deeply. In fact, I may be in love with this man, and I believe that he feels the same way. He is in his 50's and he is married, but here is the twist- he is gay, and he is married to a man. You wouldn't know he was gay unless he told you, he is more of a masculine, huntsman type and is a very attractive man. He is very charming and has a youthful quality about him. He was married once before to a woman, but sadly she passed away. He has children that are not much older than myself. I have met his partner, who I have become friends with, though not close friends.
Now that I am not in school, I feel that he has taken even more of an interest in me, perhaps because he is no longer in the role of "teacher" and now he is more of a friend. He says that he would still like to see me and spend time with me, antique shopping, or collaborating on projects. I would like to still see him, and may start spending time with him in those kind of outside situations. Deep down, I believe I love him, and as I said, I believe he feels the same way. I feel that if we start spending so much time with one another, that we may start an affair. I feel like this is something that I should feel guilty about, but honestly I think that its what I want. He is the desire of my heart.
I have been having such a difficult time dealing with this situation because I haven't told anyone, not a soul. I fear telling my mother, not because I think it would upset her, but I feel that she may see me differently, or maybe lose some respect for me. Its like some sort of big secret without a real reason to make it a secret... yet. I have thought about seeing a psychiatrist and venting to them and asking their opinion, but funds are tight and I just cant do that right now. So, I thought that this could be somewhere to seek help with this situation. I'm a little bit of a mess right now and really don't know what to do. I don't really know what I'm asking for, really any opinions of my situation or questions would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Ann

you are young, inexperienced, and infatuated with your gay english professor. can this scenario be any more laughable? he is living as a GAY professor. you are not going to change him, and you are dying for male attention, and if you do not have a father figure, well then this guy will slip right in to that role for you too. and you will adore him, idolize him and romanticize him.
university's often offer free counseling services from the psychology dept. for master's students. psychiatrists prescibe meds, psychologists/therapists offer cognitive behaviour therapy (counseling). but i don.t think you need counseling. i think you have a BIG