An interesting update (yes, already)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
An interesting update (yes, already)
13
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 2:00pm
Just got another email from MM (from the secret account). It was sent before the good bye email, but arrived later. It was titled "Good Bye for Now." He warned me that the other good bye email was coming and said it would be harsh for the benefit of his W. He said he must be super careful now because his wife is tracking everything - apparently even at work. He said he won't contact me any more and that I shouldn't contact him either. He said that it hurts to say goodbye but that he's doing it for my protection. For now he is going to put 100% into his M and see what happens. He asked that I do the same. He said he'd always love me and not to forget that.

OMG. Now I'm falling apart. I want desparately to write him back and acknowlege that I got this email but I think I better not. Hopefully he knows that I got it and I understand. It was easier when I thought I could be angry with him. Now I'm just so, so, so SAD!!!!!

GB2

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 2:35pm
Oh GB I am so sorry! I know you must be just blown away right now! Just breathe! Right now you are goign through a jumbo of messy feelings. Give yourself sometime to get through this. Just take eack hour, each minute as it comes. Cry if you need to. I would say really try not to contact him. It really won't help right now. Maybe in a bit you can. Let some time pass! You know it is only this was b/c of the W. Know in your heart his feelings never chnaged. It was done to keep his M together. Try not to focus on him. Focus on you! Just get through. this. We are all here to help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 3:05pm
wow, that was quite of turn of events there!! ;) Now I understand why you love this man very much. Sometimes,I wish I had respite from disowning and abandonement letter/situations in my life. It happened with H and it has happened with OM. Must be my karma. :O(

I can see why your situation is so very different from mine. I wish you strength to get thru all this, it sucks big time. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 4:06pm
GB2

Thanks for the well wishes. It certainly is tough, but now you now. He knows how you feel too. You seem to be a very expressive person, as such, he knows. I can tell you are really hurting as I too have met someone that I truely think I was meant to be with. Things just seem so right. My A hasn't ended, but it's been toned down, probably for the better but I did get to see MW today which was really nice. I have to go through with this and see what happens without her influence. My M has sucked so long that maybe it is time to bag it. Only time will tell. God I miss my kids soooo much. I get to see them today which i can't wait. Cheer up, it will get better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 4:56pm
Thank you all so much. Yes, I'm going to be struggling with this BIG TIME. But it is some comfort to know that MM is out there, that he's thinking of me and that he loves me. I hope you are right lostvoyage - I hope he knows that I'm thinking of him and loving him too. I'm pretty sure he does - heaven knows I've told him so many times. I've also told him to do exactly what he is doing. When he agonized over his M and whether to stay in it or not I told him that he should cut contact with me and focus on his M and his W. He should give it all he has to make it work. Then if his M still ends at least he will know that he tried his best. We both knew this was the right thing to do. We were both too weak to do it before. I need to follow my own advice and give it my all with my H as well. He's really a wonderful guy. And I love him. Just not the way I love MM. Never knew that kind of love was possible. That is one really wonderful thing that I'll take away with me from this whole situation. For nearly a year I got to experience to most amazing love of my entire life. And even though we aren't in contact right now, I know the love goes on. I'd rather be in pain from the loss than to never have experienced the love. (Yikes! That sounds pretty cliche doesn't it??? LOL!!! But it is true!!!)

Have a nice visit with your kids today lostvoyage. I'm sure they'll be as happy to see you as you are to see them. Hang in there. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. As you say, things will get better. And please keep posting here - I'll be looking for updates from you!

Peace

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 4:59pm
(((goingbonkers))) I am so sorry to hear about this! I would not write back to him. It is too risky, and he specifically asked that you not, so it might be best to respect his wishes. It sounds like he just needs time to sort his life out right now, whereever that may lead him. Who knows, he may contact you again at some future point, but for now, stay strong and take care of yourself.

((hugs))

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 10:41pm
Thanks GB2. I had a great time with them tonight. They know I love them and am there for them. You are lucky in that at least you get along with H. I can't stand W. She's a great mom, but a lousy wife. I have stayed in this M for about 10 years for the sake of the kids. Then I discovered MW and found out what I had been missing. At first I thought I had welder's shades on shielding me from the nuclear flash, that is, all that was missing from my M could have been provided by any woman. However the more I was with her I realized that no, this is the real deal. I have never have felt this way about any of the women in my life prior to this. I never did believe in soulmates until now. I'm not saying we are, but very well could be. I have had these simple moments with her that will be frozen in time forever.

This is going to be tough for you. There will be reminders everywhere; places you used to go, songs, food, jeeze the list is endless. You have to tell yourself that for now this is what is best and if was meant to be, it will be. Know that he will be thinking of you too. Just keep going and put the smiley face on. You never know what the day will bring (I need to take my own advice here lol). Saludos

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 11:32pm
GB2...i am glad you know he still loves you. i think it is harder when you think they hate you(as mine does currently). it is the hardest thing not to respond. but for both your sakes don't do it. it is clear she is watching everything. when the coast is clear he will let you know.

think about it this way. His M has it's own life and must end on it's own. The one thing you don't to be is the reason it ended. so keep close to your heart the fact that he loves you. and cry if you want to!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:40am
I am so sorry to hear your update....

stay strong - it will be hard but we are here for you

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 7:39am
Thanks again everyone so very much! Your support has been one of the things that has kept me from falling completely apart.

No, I haven't contacted MM - and I won't. He asked me not to and I would NEVER go against his wishes. I agree that if his M is going to end, I want it to do so on it's own and not because of me. I never meant to have any kind of impact on his M at all - the fact that so much has happened will always weigh on my concience. Sadly, I rather doubt he'll ever end his M no matter how bad it gets for him. He's afraid to lose his kids, afraid to stand up to his W. But that's his choice and I respect it. Will I hear from him again? Well, maybe. His last email was titled "good bye for a while" - not good bye forever. But I'm going forward on the assumption he is out of my life for good.

As for me, well this is a rather large wound and will take quite some time to heal up. And quite frankly, I think it is one of those deep injuries that needs to heal from the inside out, but will always leave a scar and will ache on rainy days. In other words, I'll never be completely free of it. But I'll be able to move on and have a good life.

In the meantime, I'm heading out of here for a few days. All of you take care - have a good weekend (I know how hard they can be). I'll be back next week.

Thanks again. You guys are the best!

Peace

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 7:50am
Hey lostvoyage! I just wanted to say I'm so glad you had a nice time with your kids. Amazing how they can restore your faith in the world, isn't it? I can relate to much of what you say about your M and your MW. It's true, my H is a great guy. But he's been absent a lot in our M. Honestly, we've got more of a comfortable friendship than anything else. When I met MM I was amazed at what it was like to love and be loved in return in such a connected and thorough way. And to have someone CHOOSE to spend time with me and WANT to be with me was a real eye opener. My H always has a thousand other things that come first in his life. I'd forgotten what it was like to be important to someone. Like you, I just never realized that this kind of love and compatibility could exist.

Yeah, life will be a struggle for me for quite some time. Although MM and I live far apart, we had so much in common that there are many, many things that remind me of him. I know things are tough for you right now too. Guess we both need to take it one day at a time and see what happens. Stay strong, OK? Take care of yourself and I'll catch up with you next week.

Peace

GB2

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