Not that I'm any expert, but I am in the same situation that everyone else is in here, & I can only speak for myself and my own situation. I think we all have similar stories, but we also are doing what we are doing for different reasons, and feel differently towards our AP. In the beginning of my A (1st 3mos or so), I felt the same way you feel, and it was pretty strong. I think it was a combination of wanting to be w/my AP more often (the excitement etc..), and negative feelings toward my H coming to a 'head'. I still have mixed feelings towards H, but the lack of desire towards him have lessened. It hasn't gone away completely, but I still make sure to have S w/him at least once a week so he doesn't suspect. So I HTH... it may go away, it may get worse, or it may improve. GL.
P.S... this might be terrible to say, but what has helped me trememdously is thinking of AP while I'm having S w/H.
ive always had a higher sex drive than h. but once my a began and i started seeing and experiencing things with OM, i realized how much better it was with OM than h. through the years, my desire to have s with h has dwindled.i have to try to have s with h. i have to make the attempt with h regularly so he doesnt suspect anything. that is one of the other reasons i am thinking of ending things with OM. I cant keep this up. i have to try to get things back to a good place with h. he is a good man and doesnt deserve this kind of deception on my part. its so hard to think about not having OM in my life. sometimes i think it would have been better to not have experienced things with OM so I wouldnt know how much better it can be.
I agree with EVERYTHING all of you said on this subject. I find it VERY difficult to even try to have "duty sex" with my H. Sex was never good to begin with & my main reason to go looking for a PA to begin with-but now my AP & I are very close-together for 8 months-see each other every week & spend 1 night together each week.
Due to some medical issues I had-sometimes I couldn't be physically intimate with either of them...but it hurt me more to think I wasn't able to be with my AP rather than my H.
I have only had sex with H once-2 months ago...over the last 9 months. It was horrible & everything bad that I remembered it being. Now I no longer have the medical excuse to fall back on-now its about tricky maneuvering. I try to think that i 'll just let H have his way (it don't last but a minute anyway!-wish I was joking) & I can avoid it for another month or 2.
I don't think H suspects my A. He has told me that he thinks he knows me fairly well, & that I just don't like sex. (!) -It took all my will power not to screram the truth out to him!
Bottom line--I myself am SO MUCH HAPPIER with my AP & find it truly difficult to be with my H-but I felt that way even BEFORE my A.
How does someone reconcile both ? I have no idea...
Not that I'm any expert, but I am in the same situation that everyone else is in here, & I can only speak for myself and my own situation. I think we all have similar stories, but we also are doing what we are doing for different reasons, and feel differently towards our AP. In the beginning of my A (1st 3mos or so), I felt the same way you feel, and it was pretty strong. I think it was a combination of wanting to be w/my AP more often (the excitement etc..), and negative feelings toward my H coming to a 'head'. I still have mixed feelings towards H, but the lack of desire towards him have lessened. It hasn't gone away completely, but I still make sure to have S w/him at least once a week so he doesn't suspect. So I HTH... it may go away, it may get worse, or it may improve. GL.
P.S... this might be terrible to say, but what has helped me trememdously is thinking of AP while I'm having S w/H.
Edited 4/27/2009 11:27 pm ET by unhappynuncertain
This is where I failed the most ! ! and probably one of the biggest red flags to my H that things were seriously wrong.
As AP's body became more and more familiar to me, my H's body became like a stranger.
Thank you all for your responses.
I agree with EVERYTHING all of you said on this subject. I find it VERY difficult to even try to have "duty sex" with my H. Sex was never good to begin with & my main reason to go looking for a PA to begin with-but now my AP & I are very close-together for 8 months-see each other every week & spend 1 night together each week.
Due to some medical issues I had-sometimes I couldn't be physically intimate with either of them...but it hurt me more to think I wasn't able to be with my AP rather than my H.
I have only had sex with H once-2 months ago...over the last 9 months. It was horrible & everything bad that I remembered it being. Now I no longer have the medical excuse to fall back on-now its about tricky maneuvering. I try to think that i 'll just let H have his way (it don't last but a minute anyway!-wish I was joking) & I can avoid it for another month or 2.
I don't think H suspects my A. He has told me that he thinks he knows me fairly well, & that I just don't like sex. (!) -It took all my will power not to screram the truth out to him!
Bottom line--I myself am SO MUCH HAPPIER with my AP & find it truly difficult to be with my H-but I felt that way even BEFORE my A.
How does someone reconcile both ? I have no idea...
Starsong
Curious-
i've gotta say i am having a tough time with intimacy with DH.