Introducing myself
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 04-10-2009 - 10:34pm |
I just wanted to introduce myself. I've been lurking on this board for a while, but I finally feel brave enough to post.
I have been married for almost 4 years to Jack. We have no children and it's a first marriage for both of us. I am 35 and Jack is 36.
Jack is a wonderful husband in many ways. He is kind, generous, smart, and a hard worker. He loves me and has always been faithful to me. The problem? There is a certain chemistry that is missing for me and I feel incredibly selfish because I know it doesn't feel that way for him. I don't enjoy sex with him anymore. I'm not sure I ever totally did. We've discussed it and even gone to counseling, but it hasn't improved.
I love my husband. If someone told me 10 years ago that it is possible to love your husband and be very attracted to another man, I would have laughed and said that it's impossible. Now that I'm older, I see love and marriage are not so black and white.
I'm very attracted to a coworker. I'll call him "Sam." I feel like he's attracted to me, but maybe I'm reading the signals wrong. It's something about the way he looks at me, but again, maybe I'm only seeing what I want to see. He's single, no kids, and a couple of years older than me. He's very different from my husband, but a very sweet person. There's just something about him that I like.
I think

Sarah,
it was hard to find you way down here, but welcome. i hope reading here does help you to realize that good people get caught in bad situations. i think there are numerous women here who have found themselves in "flat" marriage - not bad but not good, not without affection but not with passion, not with conflict but not with connection.
if everything is equal and you have been to counseling, then discussing a separation would make sense before considering an affair. your attraction to the other man is a sign of your dissatisfaction and desire for more - and while he may not be The One, he is a catalyst to examine yourself.
i wish you luck. have you tried the Married Without Romance board?
Mrs.
Sarah,
hi there! :)
Hi sarah :)
I'm big on writing things out, and pro and con lists are great way to help
Hi Mrs.,
Thank you for responding to my post. Honestly, I couldn't figure out which section to introduce myself, so thanks for finding me :-)
What you say about considering a separation makes sense, but the truth is that I'm not at the point where I can even consider that. I know it would devastate my husband and I'm not sure I could live with that. But I do appreciate your advice - it's nice to hear the opinion of an objective listener.
I look forward to staying on this board and getting to know the other women.
Sarah
Hi Maystone,
Thanks for replying to my post. I am going to seek individual counseling. Perhaps marriage counseling would be worth a try again down the line, but right now, I need help getting my own head in order.
When you said "I don't think marriage should be a high functioning friendship," it hit a chord with me. That's just it.
Hi Clarity,
Thank you for your very honest and straight-talking post. I needed that!
And you are right - the pros about my coworkers are a total unknown right now and I don't know what he could bring to the table. But there is the part of me that wants to find out whether there could be something real or not.
At the same time, I don't want to know. I'm not 100% sure that I will ever leave my husband, so what is the point of me possibly finding someone
That is great that you are going to get individual counseling!
Hi Sarah,
i am fairly new here. If you read my post, 'Confused about signals?', you will see what is going on with me. When I read your post, I totally relate and feel what you are feeling. It's really hard when you are with someone that you genuinely love and is a good person, but my problem is that I love my husband very much, but don't know that I am really 'in love' with him. I'm 32 and lately just feel like I've become a different person. I've been head over heels for a co-worker that works out of a different office location for almost 6 years, but it was always just the school girl crush, like having a thing for the captain of the football team. At our Christmas party, he made a bit of a pass at me (drinking was involved). I was so surprised, I actually didn't say much back, just smiled. However, since that night, it has brought up so many feelings that I didn't even know I had or was capable of feeling for someone.
I congratulate you on the individual counselling. I think I am going to need to do something soon. I'm so ashamed of my feelings that I won't talk to any of my friends about it, but it's so hard to keep feelings like this all bottled up inside. I have received some great advice already from people on this board that has helped me to start to look at why I'm feeling what I'm feeling.
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone out there in your feelings:)
Hi Sarah,
I'm in the same situation and am glad that you are getting counseling.