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| Sun, 02-15-2004 - 4:38pm |
I'm a late 40's married woman, soon to be divorced. I live in NJ, work part time, have 2 teenage daughters. We have had problems for a while. Tried marital therapy to hopefully improve the communication...didn't work...he is always twisting around stories, making me look like the bad person, plays with my head, gaslights me. I recently woke up to the way he really is and what his personality is really like. He has not been respectful to me in a long time, doesn't listen, I have to repeat the answers to the same questions he asks over and over again. Over the past few years, I lost my feelings for him and the desire to be intimate became less and less. Anyway, he filed this past Oct. and we're in the process of divorcing and he's still living here in the house instead of moving out.
I am currently seeing an MM, who's in his early 40's with 2 children of his own. Have been together for over a year, and we are very close. He's very different from the H. We are more alike in a lot of ways, have similar personalities and characteristics, we enjoy each other's company, he respects me, he listens to me and is interested in what I say and remembers things. The chemistry between us is phenomenal. When I first told him back in Sept. that things were not good between my H and I and I wasn't sure where it would lead, MM told me that we will always be friends no matter what. He said that he considers our relationship a form of a marriage and even if it's decided that I'd head down the path of divorce, he'd still want to be with me.

I don't think MM is happy in his marriage but I also don't think he's very unhappy there. I know about 4 or 5 years ago when we first met, (this is the 2nd time we're involved)his marriage was worse then due mostly to financial problems which his W caused. She tried to fix that and the situation is somewhat better now. I also know that something's missing in his marriage, otherwise he wouldn't seek an outside relationship. I don't think they can't stand each other but I don't think they get along all that well either. We've joked around saying that we think we're more of a match with each other more than we are with our spouses. He's 5 years younger than me and his older daughter is the same age as my younger one (almost 15)but he also has an 11 year old daughter too and a long way yet until both kids are out of the house. However, he has told me that he doesn't have any plans to leave his W.....at least not in the immediate future.
We talk everyday and spend time together whenever we can. We live very far away from each other, so when we do get time together, it's usually a week or two. - Which is always very nice.