Introduction to Everyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Introduction to Everyone
6
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 3:10pm
Hello Everyone,

I have replied to a few posts and I know that no one knows me. I used to post on the board a very long time ago and then just stopped (don't know why, just did). Anyway, a very brief history: married 7 1/2 years (together for 10, know my H for 23 years), started EMA 3 1/2 years ago, getting divorced this Thursday and I just had to break it off with MM because he has made no attempt to follow through on the dreams, plans, and goals we have discussed.

Needless to say, my plate is full, but my heart feels hollow and empty. I'm back here because I have no one to talk to about this and I hope to find some peace through reading and writing here. I am still so much in love with my MM that I couldn't adequately express my feelings in words. He didn't want this break, but i told him that until he is free and clear then we can't move forward. It just hurts deeply and I just want the sadness to go away. Thank all of you who took the time to read this.

MidnightBlue

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 3:28pm

Welcome back to the board, midnight.

cl-noregretsyet (co-cl of MAS board)
&#16
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 3:33pm
Welcome and hugs to you midnightblue. I think you're doing the right thing. I know it must be incredibly difficult, but if you want a committed R, then you deserve to have one. And clearly MM isn't ready or able to give you that. I'm in the process of ending my 8 year M and I too have known my W a very long time (20 years). I'm lucky in that the person I hope to build a R with is committed to me as well. Of course, she wasn't married so that is one less obstacle. But there are times when we both wonder if it will work out. There is still a lot left for us to overcome. As you know, there are no guarantees in life so I'm moving forward even though I know there is a possibility I may be hurting the way you are. But I also know that the love we have is worth the risk. So I guess I would say a couple of different things to you. One, congratulations for being true to yourself and ending it with MM even though you love him. Two, don't beat yourself up over falling for him and thinking things would be different. I'm sure you would agree it was worth the risk. And three, I hope you left your M for the right reasons and not just for MM. I get the sense from your post that is the case. You're clearly not going back on things and that is a good sign. I know that if I were to lose IS, I would still move forward with my D. It is tough because I like and care about my W, but I also know I don't want to spend my life with her.

I guess I don't have any magical answers for you. I don't know if my rambling on about my situation and yours was helpful or not. But know that you're not alone and I know you'll make it through this. And I believe you'll find the happiness you deserve, whether with MM or with someone else. Just be strong and keep moving ahead. And take care of yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 3:51pm


Thank You for your words, they did help. I am divorcing my H because of extreme emotional/verbal abuse to be very brief. I have always known the reasons for my D, noting that my MM was a completely separate situation. My MM DID help me gain the strength to follow through on something that should have been done years ago. Once again, thank you for your words and I will be posting often. It's all I have at the moment to get through this.

MidnightBlue

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 4:26pm
Midnight, I so know how you feel. This is by far the most difficult thing that I've ever experienced - waiting for someone to make a decision that your life depends on. In my case, I hope, we are moving toward being together, just not so fast as I'd want us to. But there are still times when I question everything and feel extremely apprehensive and insecure about our relationship. I take it that when you say that he has made no attempt to follow through on the plans it means that he does not intend to leave his marriage and wants to continue to see you the way he has been all this time? If that's the case then yes, you are doing the right thing by breaking things off. You most certainly deserve more than being kept in limbo forever. Or is there any chance that he is just not moving at a pace you want him to? I can whine and vent on this board all I want but I am willing to wait for my SO to make a decision about our future and to give her all the time she needs - she's done a lot to prove to me that this is what she wants and that we are moving in that direction - not fast enough to my liking but that's my own problem. There is a big difference between not doing anything and just taking things slow, hon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 4:41pm
hi midnight and i'm sooo sorry you are going through this right now!! hugs to you girl, but you're doing the right thing even if it doesn't feel like it right now. MM controls his own life and you control yours. if he isn't ready to leave his M, then you have to protect yourself and move on, no matter how much that hurts. we've all BTDT!! time will make the big black hole fill up with stuff - friends, family, work, etc. keep busy and take all the time you need to recover. we'll be here for you.

and btw, i have a feeling that you haven't heard the last of your MM. if he didn't want to end the R, he will probably give you some time and then be in contact somehow. it's up to you how you respond at that point.

stay around and keep us posted. stay strong!!

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 6:09pm
Midnight, Just a short post to let you know how much I admire your strength. Not many people in love could end the R because it is not moving in the right direction. I can only imagine the loneliness you are going through now, but I have no doubt that you will get through this dark period a stronger person. Good luck to you!!