Intruding on marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Intruding on marriage?
6
Mon, 10-05-2009 - 10:02pm

Food for thought...

But like the saying, "You either see the glass half full or half empty" this depends on how you look at the situation.

Do you view the yourself as intruding on your AP's marriage, or how the BS says, "We're the third party" of their marriage... or view it as the WS walked out on the marriage?

I'm interested to see what everyone's views are on this.




Edited 10/5/2009 10:07 pm ET by lostintransition

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Tue, 10-06-2009 - 1:07am

Okay, I'll bite!


I definitely do not see myself as intruding on his M...he has no M! Seriously, and I've mentioned this before, but NOBODY ever sees him with his W...and haven't

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Tue, 10-06-2009 - 8:44am

hi Ladies,


i'm sure the replies to this will depend on one's own situation, and everyone has a different view on this sensitive subject.


In my case, the answer is Yes. I think that i do intrude in AP's marriage. I make it bearable. He said i am his "life raft". If i was out of the equation i'm sure things would be different, not sure HOW different but different in some way.


And yes, he DOES intrude in my marriage. If he wasn't in the picture my marriage would be different i am certain of it. Probably better. Or if not better, at least i'd be looking for solutions to problems that we're having. Or we may have decided that it doesn't work between us. Either way, it'd be different.


I think the OM/OW is portrayed in a very stereotypical way by the BS' stories that i have come across, and very often it is far away from the reality.


Hugs,

Sunshine


.

Sunshine

.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Tue, 10-06-2009 - 6:13pm
sunshine is right.. in my case, we both actually make our marriages work better or at least not as bad as it was, yeah sounds crazy I know.. it works both in that we get to vent about things that we can't vent about to anyone else, and we try to be the devil's advocate and challenge the other, even if it means defending the W/H... without her, I know I wouldn't be as good a husband I have been since.. again, yes it sounds contradictory, but it works out it is not..
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2009
Tue, 10-06-2009 - 9:42pm
Dang I love you guys!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
Wed, 10-07-2009 - 4:44pm
I think my ap kept my marriage bearable for a lot longer than I might have otherwise tolerated. But at the same time, once we became aware that it was in fact an A (which we didn't realize in the beginning) then he was sort of intrusive in my M, but the harder he tried to help me or help xh, the less xh was willing to be part in the marriage. He really walked away without a fight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Wed, 10-07-2009 - 6:16pm

Hi,


My (stbx) H walked away without a fight too. It's all hindsight now of course...but I wonder ~ if he had fought for me, would I have given him a chance? Just not sure.


I can't blame him for walking away though...what is a man supposed to do when he's faced with the fact that his wife is in love with somebody else?


benska