Isn't this supposed to be FUN?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2012
Isn't this supposed to be FUN?
7
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 8:12am

As many of you know I met my EAP online.  There is another woman who is his "friend" online as well.  This woman has made my life fairly miserable but for short periods of time.  I have dealt with her and he has repeatedly asked her to leave me alone, I witnessed this twice myself.  Well, on Saturday he and I were in a room together talking.  She joined us, she did not say a word, just sat and watched.  The next day, she stalked me and made direct and indirect comments to me and about him.  He and I were texting back and forth and I knew what she was saying was not true.  I never made a comment to her.  On Monday, I told him once again she was stalking me and some of the things she said. I asked him not to say anything to her, well he didnt do as requested and he said something to her.  Last night this chick went PSYCHO on me because I said something to him.  It was so bad the other people in room who saw it said I should report her, thats not my style.  He and I talked about it, he showed me text messages betweent he two of them where he told her not to talk to him anymore.  I am more than a little pissed with him for saying anything to her after I asked him not to.  This woman has been a thorn in my side since he and I met.  This is supposed to be fun, not drama filled and stressful. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2012
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 3:28pm

It seems just about all As are filled with drama, of some kind. I have to admit I'm not totally clear on this story but it sounds as if you're one of 2 OW in his life, in addition to his W. All I can say is, that sounds even messier.

I've had to step back on several occasions when it was no longer fun and ask myself the hard questions of "Is this even worth it?"

During my last A the answer finally became "NO!" and so I ended it. 

I'm not sure how long this has been going on but if it's still new and you've got a potential loose canon in the mix - you may want to consider cutting your losses and moving on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2012
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 4:06pm

Its been about 3 years.  He swears they are just friends and he confronted her in front me when she said otherwise.  He said to her you know thats not true why would you lie.  He texted me several times today with apologies and telling me how bad he feels about mentioning it to her.  She asked could the three of us talk, he told her no he needed to protect me from her and her lies.  He forwarded me the text messages and sent me a transcript of it  via email.  He has been trying to talk to me all day and apologize some more for his role in this.  He continues to swear they are simply friends.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2012
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 5:45pm

Could you find a chat venue where she is not lurking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2012
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 8:43pm

I suppose we could.  At this point the damage has been done.  He has been super apologetic. He has tried to talk to me several times but I was unavailable today.  He said he really needed to talk to me.  He knew I was mad at him due to him mentioning it to her, he was also upset that I didnt respond to his text message this am until this afternoon.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 9:47am

You are dealing with a drama queen.  I would be careful, because I agree, she is a loose cannon.

Do you have to talk to him in the chat room?  I would avoid it for a bit, unless you want to continue to deal with her.

 

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2012
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 10:39am

She is a drama queen, a needy one at that and she is CRAZY.  Everyone on the site has had an issue with her in some way or another.  She has had a rough life, I understand that.  He is entirely too nice to her, he says when she went through her difficult time, everyone turned their back on her (probably cause she is a crazy drama queen).  I have told him that I will no longer have private chats with him, where she could see us and join us.  He said that was not necessary and he hopes this will die down.  It has, she still makes comments etc.  He asks me everyday I log on did she say something, which she has thus far.  He informed me that he will apologize everyday for this until she stops. 

His response to me about the entire situation has been very comforting.  He has taken responsibility for mentioning it to her and I cannot tell you how apologetic.  He wants to make sure that I am alright. In one of the exchanges I saw, she said you are always on her side.  He told her it is not a competition and she is completely wrong for all that she has done and said.  She said to him, are you telling her she is wrong.  He told he she just does not get it and he would continue to protect me from her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2012
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 4:54pm

So I finally talk to him today, he informs me that he has limited communication with this woman.  They are social friends and see each other maybe once every 2 or 3 months.  He went on to tell me that he was her only source of support and he used to talk to her daily and offer words of encouragement.  He said she was on facebook, (he told me we could not be FB friends becuase his wife is a friend on his page) saying she may lose her job and have to move out of state and how she wished she had words of encouragement from an old friend.  He said he no longer talks to her daily and will not respond to the FB post.  He said he has reached out to her but he has not responded.  While i had my concerns in the past, this is starting to stink to the high heavens to me.....thoughts??????