it all seems so common.. and hello!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2008
it all seems so common.. and hello!
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 10:34pm

So, I have been reading peoples posts for a while now and what I get out of most of them, is when someone is in an A, its almost electric. Or hurtful. Some people talk about their AP's as their soulmate. Or whatever. And I am seeing a common trend here.


I am in an A too. But this is not my first. (okay.. for those of you who want to yell at me.. go ahead..Im okay with myself). However, this one... its electric and I, in my heart, believe that he is the one.


Is it that we were all so quick to marry the wrong person for us, because we thought it was the next thing to do in a relationship, overlooking the obvious problems that were always there? Or is it because of hurt that H or W that has caused us over the years? Or is it that over the years, one just changes and H or W doesn't change with you and you find the person that meets those needs at that time?


I have been married 5 years. I have been with my H for longer than that. But even in the dating process, he never met certain needs.. emotional, physical, I guess thats it. I was married one year and started an A that lasted on and off for 2 years. I knew in my heart that it would never work between us. But he brought a lot to the table. He was single and he would still to this day, take me in a heart beat. The second one.. Im not even sure why I got into that one.. I knew what I was doing. We were both bored, but we really had nothing in common. I ended it quickly because it was just a "filler" if you will.


This person.. I stumbled on accident. Completely. We have been friends for a long time. And we have always talked and something happend where we saw one another and he kissed me and I swear,,,, my toes curled. I can't explain it. But when I am with him, my body shakes. And I just need to be next to him. Nothing else. We have had S and its been great.. only because he has been open to all of my wants and needs.


I don't know my point to telling this.. other than to get it down. I still haven't told my story with my H.. he is a good guy. Most girls would be happy to be married to him. But he lacks passion about life or about me. He would be okay with sitting on the couch everynight and I look for living. And I found that in my AP. I hear him talk about the things that he wants to do in life and it EXCITES me.


I am not disalusioned (sp?) about A. I am not addicted. When he can talk to me, thats fine. And if he decided that he wanted to work it out with his W, I would still love him. I would miss him but I would completely respect his decision. And love him for it anyway. I look forward to hearing from him when I can.... and I long to breathe him in when he can be around. But.. its not an addiction. I know hes not leaving his W anytime soon. Not because of her.. but because he adores his children.. as I do my own.


so is there a trend or a difference?