Is it chronic cheating or bad timing?
Find a Conversation
Is it chronic cheating or bad timing?
| Thu, 11-13-2003 - 12:48pm |
What do most people think about their A in general...do you think that your A is a result of the 'once a cheater, always a cheater' theory, or simply a result of bad timing?
I know all situations are different, but I'm just wondering what most people here think since we are all currently in As -- I'm assuming that being in an A would change your thinking (it certainly has changed mine!!). Just wondering.

Edited 10/1/2004 6:46 pm ET ET by sally289
Now, I think I see and hear more about it - a lot of things have changed about my perception. I have learned not to judge any thing or anybody regardless of whether they are in on not in an EMA. I don't believe - "once acheater always a cheater" applies to everybody. Sure there are some serial cheaters - but not all of them are like that. Also cheating as in a spouse is given way too much importance to judging somebody's character. What about people who are habitual liars (who are not cheating with their spouses), or people who are contantly competing with friends or what about people who are abusers in a relationship, or even control freaks who supress their partners by putting them down or ignoring them? There are so many people that I see in my day to day life that do even have common decency to let another person as they wish to be with out putting their two cents in, or some others who are so selfish who cannot think of anything but themselves. Don't you think that these people also cause a lot of heartache and pain wherever they go whether be it in the office or at home? That's why it the overall character that matters to me - than just one little aspect of somebody's life. I know that applies to me and I will apply it to everybody else too. One thing that comes to mind on all this is quote
"Be concerned with your chareacter than your reputation, becuase you character is what you really are and your reputation is merely what others think you are"
JMHO....
Edited 11/13/2003 1:20:38 PM ET by autumnbreeze_iv
in the past, i haven't been faithful in any of my long-term relationships since my divorce. but those times were one-time, being away from home events. this is my first "affair"! jeez, i left my marriage so i could sleep around!! i had been with my H (only BF before getting married!) for 20 years. i started feeling attraction for other men at the end of my marriage and knew i would be straying so i ended the M.
i went into this A because i had a need for the attention MM was giving me, and later for the affection and sex with MM that i wasn't getting at home and the same for MM. i do know that i feel much freer with MM -- it's all out in the open, no holds barred, insofar as the sexual experimentation and we do tell each other everything, lots of honesty and communication, which for some odd reason, i can't seem to do with BF. i just don't feel free enough to be myself with BF. everytime i did something for me, like get a small tattoo (BF left me for 3 days!!) or even wear a nail color i like and BF didn't, there would be a "discussion" making me feel like i was stupid for wanting what i want/did. i always feel like he's going to judge me or disapprove if i ask for something from him out of the ordinary. i do love my BF but like most of the ladies on the board, i'm not in love with him. it's the comfortableness of the R that takes precedence now.
okay, that's way too much introspection for me. i'm done now!
gurl