It happened!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
It happened!
20
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 4:29pm

So for a year all I wanted my AP to do was to tell me all of this meant more to him than just sex.  That I meant more.to him than a booty call. 

This past weekend was hell for me.  I felt like he was pulling away and didn't want to be with me.  The plans we had made fell through three times and one time we almost got caught.

So today we talked for a long time and he said he wanted to slow down, that he was becoming to brave making him do stupid stuff (like stand in front of my house late at night trying to text me).  He said he was needing the contact too much and needed to take some control back.  I told him I completely understood but that it was on him if he wanted to slow down.  I was fine, H had no clue and that's how it was going to stay.  His W is a little too naive for her own good but I could understand if he was losing control. 

Then he said it, no prompting from me, none of my guts spilt, but he said "it means so much more now but we both know that it can't/shouldn't mean that."   Well I told him that my feelings for him ran really deeply but I was afraid of telling him because I thought he'd panic or something.  I told him though that I wasn't stupid no matter what we felt for each other I knew it can't be anymore than what it is.  We both aren't going to leave our spouses.  He agreed.

So it's said and done, I'm not sure what comes next but I never expected for my Monday to turn out like this. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 4:11am
I believe after a while, when you're in a monogamous A (not those ONS or multiple partners kinds) feelings will always develop. It's tough to know what to do with those feelings. I'm so glad for you your AP has finally came clean with his feelings for you. It was amusing reading your description of him standing outside your house trying to text you. Such an adorable image :smileyhappy:
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 10:26am
Yes it was a cute image! I could imagine him trying to hold onto his dog while he was texting me! LOL he did it again last night because he didn't follow my directions and I was already asleep. I'm sure the neighbors at some point or another is going to think he's crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 10:27am
You know he's not technology literate so yeah he might have though that...LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 11:31am

 

'So today we talked for a long time and he said he wanted to slow down, that he was becoming to brave making him do stupid stuff (like stand in front of my house late at night trying to text me).  He said he was needing the contact too much and needed to take some control back' 

'Then he said it, no prompting from me, none of my guts spilt, but he said "it means so much more now but we both know that it can't/shouldn't mean that."  

And you believed it.

Sigh.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 12:35pm

Yes I do Juliasuk. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 11:03am

*So today we talked for a long time and he said he wanted to slow down, that he was becoming to brave making him do stupid stuff (like stand in front of my house late at night trying to text me).  He said he was needing the contact too much and needed to take some control back' 

'Then he said it, no prompting from me, none of my guts spilt, but he said "it means so much more now but we both know that it can't/shouldn't mean that." 

Shouldntbethishard77, sorry to rain on your parade, but this, in my opinion and experience, is the oldest line in the world, and the most common excuse.. which enables him to hold you at arms length, happily living his family life, while at the same time keeping the door open to using you when suitable for him, on his terms..

NOT to judge here, heaven knows im not a saint myself, but my advise to you would be to take the above with a huuuuuuge grain of sault.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 8:01pm

I appreciate all the comments even the ones who tell me not to believe it.

If it was a case of me backing away, or me telling my feelings first I would be hesitant to believe him.  He's the one who said he needed to back away but didn't want to, he's the one admitting he's going crazy. 

I'm by no means a fool, I've been on both the receiving and giving end of games.  If I thought for once that it was a lie than it so would be over.  But he never had told me that during this past year and his actions for the most part match what he said.  So I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2011
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 11:57pm

You're right. It is easy for others to read about your situation, and say "oh he is lying. He wants his cake and eat it too." 

But when you are there face to face with someone, and you hear the words from their mouth and know it comes from the heart, and you can see it in their eyes, you will be the only one to know its true. I've been told great amazing things by several guys, and when its not heartfelt you are always left with an uneasy feeling of doubt. Then there are the times you just know its true. LIke you said, once you've experienced both, its easier to tell when its a lie and when its real. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 7:22am

You are in the affair fog, and nothing anyone will try to warn you about, will.. well .. reach your brain. btdt myself. And yes, i know its an affair support board, and this how im trying to support you - warning you to be cautious and not overly trusting in this situation..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 10:37am
I agree with sireanita, what is there to distrust? Based from what I have read here, I see two individuals partaking in an A and are emotionally at the same place, no 'future talks', just an acknowledgment that 'this is more than sex'.

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