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|Mon, 08-20-2012 - 4:29pm|
So for a year all I wanted my AP to do was to tell me all of this meant more to him than just sex. That I meant more.to him than a booty call.
This past weekend was hell for me. I felt like he was pulling away and didn't want to be with me. The plans we had made fell through three times and one time we almost got caught.
So today we talked for a long time and he said he wanted to slow down, that he was becoming to brave making him do stupid stuff (like stand in front of my house late at night trying to text me). He said he was needing the contact too much and needed to take some control back. I told him I completely understood but that it was on him if he wanted to slow down. I was fine, H had no clue and that's how it was going to stay. His W is a little too naive for her own good but I could understand if he was losing control.
Then he said it, no prompting from me, none of my guts spilt, but he said "it means so much more now but we both know that it can't/shouldn't mean that." Well I told him that my feelings for him ran really deeply but I was afraid of telling him because I thought he'd panic or something. I told him though that I wasn't stupid no matter what we felt for each other I knew it can't be anymore than what it is. We both aren't going to leave our spouses. He agreed.
So it's said and done, I'm not sure what comes next but I never expected for my Monday to turn out like this.