Is it the holidays ?
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Is it the holidays ?
| Mon, 12-22-2008 - 2:26pm |
I am mostly a lurker but post here and there.I have been reading very sad posts for the last few days,the doubts,the uncertainity,fear,disappointment and much much low than the highs.Is it the holidays and the NC/LC which comes along playing the devil here? I am not emotionally involved with my AP ,its kinda FWB situation ,so holidays dont affect us so bad.
I guess all those who are feeling the lows of holidays should take these days as an opportunity to evaluate the R and see if it stands the test of time.
Just a thought!

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
In my somewhat different situation, the holidays are causing us to see more of eachother. My AP is my H's best friend and as a result, we see quite a bit of eachother over the holidays. We go to the same parties, we decorated eachother's trees together, and we do other Christmas tradition-y stuff with H and AP's W. I wasn't sure how I would handle all of this but it's actually been great. In my situation, my spending a ton of time with AP does not put up a red flag for H because that's just the way it's always been, but my NOT wanting to spend time with him (and them; him and the W I mean) would be suspect to DH. He'd want to know why I suddenly didn't want to spend time with them and really, it would be totally perverse because I *do* want to spend time with them. In yet another difference between my situation and a typical A, I really like AP's W and we get along great. So . . . I think the sad stuff that's been going around lately is because of the holidays, and I'm so grateful not to have that kind of thing going on for me. I'm also not as deep in my A as some of the ladies here so I'm sure that's a part of it too.
Hey tyger and miss_be ! I guess you 2 are the lucky ones to not feel sad and having a good time.you gals definately have good AP's.
tyger, you sound very satisfied the way things are.Is your AP on the same page as well?
miss_ be, Its better not to have too many emotions get involved , sometimes! I bet you have to be extra careful while being around your H and his W, to not let it out thru your body laguage!
Happy for you both!!
yeah AP is on the same page..we are pretty much at the same place with one another..that's what we love about it...so everything is good....the only thing is he gets mad when i spend money on him..my AP is a complete provider but doesn't like to be used...feel me...when we were just buddies he used to make mention that he felt like an ATM to his fam at times....i never do that..but on holidays i try to go all out for him as much as my finances will allow because any other time he does not accept things and likes to treat....i guess since i'm not superficial and materialistic he appreciates that and is willing to do.....
the holidays will go well for us..i will get a tad sad..but it won't last i have all boys..well one son and a whole bunch of nephews 5 and under..they like to play play play and jump on me and stuff..i'll be very busy with them and my family...before i know it the day will be over i'll be on my couch kicked back with my rollers and egg nog and watching my shows
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Tyger, you really do have a good AP who keeps you happy ! doesnt play head games ,hey!
Yeah, money can always cause problems in the best of relations.
I wish i had your AP ;-)
In your other post you said about him being committed to the family structure but apparently not to W.you know what,even if he doesnt say anything bad about W or M in nutshell, he is unhappy and will remain unhappy but will keep fulfilling his duties.they might be living 2 different lives.Commitment M is a loveless and unsatisfying M , not to mention suffocating! just some insite from MPOV.you are getting the entire him,kwim?
well it's very difficult in his head...it's hard for me to explain..he's content..and happy because he can be with me at times and then go home and fulfill his committment to his fam....like i said he's a committment man and a provider...a very good man and his wife is damned lucky to be married to someone like him..and when i say damned lucky i mean blessed, lucky and ching ching hit the jackpot...i envy her because of that..but don't envy her because of the lack of in loveness...or whatever you wanna call it...i would never
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss