It may be over

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
It may be over
21
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 5:36am

After a year and a half of the EA , AP & I had a big talk today. He is not the kind of person who would let his emotions show and I think I may have pushed him over the edge a little on what I mean to him. I think its partly my fault

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 8:47am
What do i do? i cant tell you what to do only offer advice and say what i have

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 10:01am
Thanks tyger - I was feeling numb when I wrote the post but that was over 4 hours ago and now I am feeling like my heart was yanked out of me.. Extremely low . I guess this period of NC will help me focus on why it even mattered what he felt for me as long as he is around as friend. It doesnt matter what he feels for me because I am not looking to have a future with him. I have no idea why I went into a period where I beat him up about declaring what he felt for me. How long should I give him before I contact him ? For some reason the way he explained it today it almost seems as if he may not make contact if I dont make the effort. I also dont understand how he went from calling me yesterday to reaching breaking point today where he said he was avoiding my call. It seems unfair that they once dont think about how it can affect you - can just say we need to take a break and walk away.. I am angry, low and
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2009
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 10:11am

It is not necessarily over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 10:35am

if it were me i wouldnt contact him, i'd let him contact me, your husband will be there soon focus on that...even if you aren't that into husband..you can still have a good time with him going to dinner, watching a movie, tv, taking walks at the park...going to a concert....i let "whomever he is now" contact me..but that's because my bday came up...i know he's not the type that will let a holiday go without offerring a sentiment to me.....but we hadn't been in contact in a month at that point...it was okay because he had spoken to DS everyday in between me and him not talking (no he's not ds father) ...and DS would let me know sometime he would ask if things were okay at home...guess his way of trying to open a convo about what's going on ...dont know..


just if it were me i would not contact him unless of course his bday is coming up or another special event....but if not..he'll call or text or email .....


"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 11:02am
thank you kimbo and tyger. It helps to have this support at a time like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 11:07am

oh and maybe I can get some tips from you ladies on how to be chilled out and not come out and look like I need the emotional support. I just want it to be light and fun.. I know he likes me a lot and I just need to make sure I dont come on too strong . Some of you out there seem to have mastered that art.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2009
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 11:17am

Again, based on my experience, do not contact him first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Sat, 02-28-2009 - 11:40am

I agree that your AP wants a break and not a break-up.Listen girl, yours is an EA and he is in it because he is emotionally invested ,no sexual motive though you guys might be feeling a hell lot of sexual tension?? I guess he must have got hurt for you doubting his feelings.NC does good to sought your feelings out but it can be the basis of it fading away gradually.
As for keeping emotions out of an emotional affair ?? is that possible?

You cant say that your AP is not in love with you if he doesnt show emotions easily.Its difficult for you but go with the flow and love him when you can.Life is short.I am in my late 50s and when i look back i see no one.kwim? I have had many sexual R but no real love like you girls have.Now i am too old to fall in love but if i do, i will hold on to it for the rest of my life and will do anything to keep it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Sat, 02-28-2009 - 11:43am

Sorry for hijack!

tyger, are you back with your AP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 10:33am
hey funky, nah me and xap are not so-called together at all...i'm trying to just go on with my life as it presents itself to me without as much stress and pain as there has been for me in the last 2 months...xap and i love each other very much and thats the long and the short of it...we did spend time together again this past friday for only 5 hours...we've been texting some and talking on the phone...i am trying to stay emotionally removed from him...good luck to me right? when i've been so emotionally involved...to be honest i have no idea of what i am doing...i guess i figure i'm just gonna love him..which is what i do..without anything else involved..if that makes sense.. he claims to have had it hard too as far as thinking about me and wanting to be with me is concerned

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

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