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| Fri, 08-29-2008 - 8:16pm |
I have been a lurker here and have gained alot from this board.
I am married and been in an affair with a married man for 2 1/2 yrs.
WE became best of friends besides lovers. Seeing each other maybe every 3 weeks but talking on the phone everyday. He has told me from very early on that he loves me and I am his best friend. Both our marriages are ok except for the sex part.
He hadnt had sex with his wife for 3 years and sex with my husband is boring and predictable.
So no signs of ending this..we liked what we had...until one week ago he told me it was over.
His wife came to him about amonth ago crying saying she is tired of living like brother and sister and wants to go to counseling and work on their sex life. He agreed and says he is not able to make love to me again if she is willing to give sex a try. He feels too guilty. He has cried and says hes sorry and still loves and cares about me. He still wants to be friends.
So here we are talking on the phone eveyday, saying I love yous, but he is saying he will not lead me on and say that we will ever be lovers again.
I dont want to lose his friendship he has done so much for my self esteem etc.
Any thougts on why the wife who had no interest in sex for 3 years and even before that had very uneventful sex with him has now decided at age 60 she wants to work on his?? I am perplexed?
any thoughts on any of this is welcome.

My theory: She knows, at 60, that she doesn't want to start over and leave. She knows she loves him and he loves her, and she wants a full marriage, including sex, so she wants to figure out how to fix it. It sounds like a very strong marriage, and although it is probably breaking your heart, I would back away and let them work things out.
Alternative theories: she was having an A and ended it, and now wants to work on her marriage, or she knows about his A and knows that she needs to fix the intimacy in their marriage.
In any event, my favority new phrase: It doesn't matter. They clearly have a very strong partnership and both acknowledge what needs
Thanks for the input. I